Jack of Clubs: Don’t slip on the ice


Buggy kiss goodnight

Don’t trip on the ice; the pain ain’t numbed because it’s colder.
Find somewhere cosier to dislocate your shoulder.
Trip up on a chair, trip down flights of stairs, trip over a rug.
Don’t trip on the ice but trip on a safe and legal drug.

Don’t fall on the ice; they won’t believe you when it’s melted.
There are more likely ways to end up bruised and welted.
Fall from peaceful bird strike when your plane’s hit by a dove.
Don’t fall on the ice, that’s not very nice, but fall in love.

For you can live with broken bones, but not a broken heart,
and if your heart is ice then you are dead right from the start.
So break yourself in ice-free ways and when you can’t run free,
leave your bones in my safe cage, and leave your heart to me.

Don’t slip on the ice; your body slows down the Zamboni.
If you must lie still, be a hurdle for a pony.
Slip to fill holes in roads, get hurt in a loads-more-useful way.
Don’t slip on the ice but slip on a sweet wee negligee.

Don’t drop through the ice; you’ll wreck the lake-top’s smooth complexion.
Break your own skin to manifest your imperfection.
Drop out of the game, drop into a flame, drop dead flambé.
Don’t drop through the ice, drop into my life, warm me today.

For you can live with broken bones, but not a broken heart,
and if your heart is ice then you are dead right from the start.
So break yourself in ice-free ways and when you can’t run free,
leave your bones in my safe cage, and leave your heart to me.

Don’t trip on the ice but trip on a safe and legal drug
Don’t fall on the ice, that’s not very nice, but fall in love
Don’t slip on the ice but slip on a sweet wee negligee,
Don’t drop through the ice, drop into my life, warm me today.

I haven’t slipped on the ice so far this winter, but I have managed to trip over a chair leg, a car tyre, and nothing at all, which is what inspired this slightly misguided love song. This is one of those poems that has a tune in my head, so I even added a chorus-y thing with a different tune. When I try to read it without the tune, the rhythm sounds off in a few places. There’s definitely more polishing to be done here, but I’m rushing to get two more cards and a whole lot of other things done before I leave for JoCo Cruise Crazy, so this will do for now.

I’ve heard ‘they won’t believe you when it’s melted’ is actually a real thing that happened, when somebody had a car accident in the middle of summer due to ice on the road near Cessy. Apparently they had to get a letter from CERN for their insurance company, explaining that the ground was being frozen with liquid nitrogen so that a pit could be dug for the CMS detector on the LHC without underground rivers getting in the way.

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