Two of Hearts: Spazzing Out


Two of hearts showing a selection of vegetablesI shiver with excitement at the coolness of the snow,
while flailing in delight at how the flakes float to and fro.
They say I shake for heating but my body seems to know
the fervor brought by white-on-white of sky and fractal tree,
and tenses itself tight on sight of all that’s cool to me.

My muscles are excited all the time, and so am I,
for music and for science and for humor and for pi[e].
They say my motor cortex might be part the reason why,
that these days they can thwart excitement through rhizotomy,
but when’s the spazzing fangirl vim and when’s it not o’ me?

In summary, my muscles have a tendency to spasm;
it seems to me those muscles can’t contain enthusiasm.
While technically I’m spastic I can say without sarcasm:
it feels like life’s fantastic and my body’s full of squee
so let your hair down (don’t relax) and come spaz out with me!

I am a raging fangirl (of improbably many people and things) with cerebral palsy spastic diplegia, and this is what it feels like. My other superhero secret identity is Hyper Spaz.

I came up with the idea for this several months ago, upon realising that my body was just as full of squee as my mind, though it was going to be a song, with an entirely different structure. I came up with the line ‘My muscles are excited all the time, and so am I’ about three weeks ago and decided to actually write it, with that as the first line, but I’ve just been too busy doing other things (including uploading videos of Jonathan Coulton, Paul and Storm, Mike Phirman, John Roderick, Zoë Keating, John Hodgman and some quitters from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3) and I didn’t spend very much time on it. So here it is, finally. It has an interesting rhyme scheme which I feel like drawing a diagram and investigating the topology of, but I think I’ll save that for later. During those three weeks I happened to find out about selective dorsal rhizotomy, which seems like a pretty neat procedure, though I wonder whether it would have an effect on the young patients’ eventual personalities.

This is the easy part of Thing-A-Week-or-so where the writer’s unblocked and the ideas flow faster than the cards that are supposed to inspire them and the time I have to implement them. I still haven’t put away all the aces of hearts and kings of clubs I got out before the cruise yet, let alone looked through all the twos of hearts, so I just used the first two of hearts I found with a tenuous connection to the topic. I’m glad I’m not a vegetable; I’ve heard their screams.

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  1. #1 by Mother Mary on March 24, 2013 - 9:19 am

    I know the feeling and feel the pain!

    • #2 by Angela Brett on March 24, 2013 - 12:52 pm

      What pain?

      • #3 by Mother Mary on March 24, 2013 - 7:48 pm

        Just what I said….I know the feeling and I FEEL THE PAIN!

      • #4 by Angela Brett on March 24, 2013 - 8:19 pm

        I don’t think that’s the same feeling.

      • #5 by Mother Mary on March 24, 2013 - 8:39 pm

        WHAT? I know the feeling of spasms and it bloody well hurts!!

      • #6 by Angela Brett on March 24, 2013 - 8:49 pm

        If you say so. That’s not what the poem is about though.

      • #7 by Mother Mary on March 24, 2013 - 9:20 pm

        perhaps it’s because my feet are in SPASMS now and have been for the last 2 days+. I know I’m not as bad as I was yesterday ,tomorrow will be better…..nothing wrong with feeling sorry for myself…is there?

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