Snack Bar (Black Star parody)

You might recall that I was a fan juror on the Logan Whitehurst Memorial Awards for Excellence in Comedy Music this year. Well, the winners were announced at FuMPFeST, as I watched via video stream. The winner of ‘Outstanding Parody Song’, after a tie with Weird Al Yankovic was broken by Dr. Demento, was Devo Spice (featuring Power Salad) with the song ‘Snack Bar‘. That song is a parody of ‘Thrift Shop‘, by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, but the first thing I thought of when I saw the title was Radiohead’s ‘Black Star‘. So the day after the awards, I wrote a Black Star parody about the temptingly-convenient yet unhealthy snack bar that I heard was available at FuMPFeST. It’s probably about time I posted it. I haven’t recorded it, because singing isn’t really a thing I do, but here are the words:


I have to admit that after con I’m not as fit as what I
think I might’ve been.
I know that the food I eat does not have lots of vitamins.
Look at the plight I’m in.

Look horrified, I mean.
Blame it on the snack bar.
Blame it on the processed food.
Blame it on the multitude of junk at hand.

A snack in mouth, and a snack in hand, I try to understand what I’m eating for.
I know that I am full, but I still treat myself, my self that I am treating poor.
I eat not needing more.
I can’t fight greed anymore.

Blame it on the snack bar.
Blame it on the processed food.
Blame it on the pulchritude of starch and fat.

I get in the line and I just stand about now that food is made for me.
I see it displayed and I just salivate; I want the food pureed for me.
Is it too late for me?
I’ve gotta cut down.

Blame it on the snack bar.
Blame it on the processed food.
Blame it on the pulchritude of junk at hand.

This is killing me
This is killing me

In other news, a month ago I hurriedly wrote a poem about a shuttle launch and/or a failing relationship in order to have an excuse to wear my NASA flight suit to Open Phil, and some people heard about it and wanted to see it, so I put up a video. I’ll eventually make a better video including footage of shuttle launches. At tonight’s Open Phil I performed it again, followed by a poem I’d written a week earlier about space and depression. Later in the evening, there was some free time, so the host asked me to improvise a love poem. Since I was still wearing the flight suit, this is what I came up with:

I love you like a shuttle launch;
you take me to the skies
every time I see your paunch
and look into your eyes.

I love you like a nebula,
far off in outer space.
My heartbeat is irregular
each time I see your face.

I love you like the universe;
I loved our first big bang.
I don’t think this could get much worse,
so I’m going to stop here.

While I’m on the topic of rhyming things and space, happy Canada Day! Here’s a song about Canada, and another about Canadian Tire, both featuring the astronaut Chris Hadfield.
I’ve been writing other things, but I’m going to do still other things with them before they end up on this blog. Other things I’ve been up to include writing toy iOS applications to learn Swift with, writing toy C++ applications to remind myself why I don’t like C++ and shouldn’t apply for jobs that primarily use it, learning linguistics, and uploading videos of Glen Raphael‘s and Jim Boggia‘s sets on JoCo Cruise 2015.
I’m disappointed to see that no longer has a WYSIWYG way of adding titles to links, and I don’t feel like switching to the HTML editor, so you won’t see any amusing tooltips if you move your mouse over the links in this post. Mind you, the preview of this post has some weird line spacing issues which don’t show up in the WYSIWYG editor, so I might have to drop into HTML to figure out what went wrong.

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