Archive for August, 2013

King of Hearts: A Song For Me to Sing With Worm Quartet

King of Hearts with the Shakespearean insult, 'You play the spaniel, and think with wagging your tongue to win me' against a backdrop of a Worm Quartet Songs of the Maniacs posterThis is a parody of ‘A Song For Worm Quartet To Sing With TV’s Kyle‘ by Worm Quartet (featuring TV’s Kyle.) The tune is pretty flexible, but I made this fit with the original tune verse-for-verse so it’s easier to figure out how to read it. Perhaps some day, if Shoebox (the guy from Worm Quartet) agrees, I will record myself singing it just barely audibly above the backing music, but for now your ears are safe.

This is a song, it’s a song I wrote
so I could sing it with Worm Quartet
’cause Worm Quartet does really swell songs
and I wanna do a song with him.





Sure, I get it, you won’t sing this.
I’m just not as special as TV’s Kyle,
but I really thought we could do a duet;
should I have asked you first?





Well I see I’m not going to make you sing
till I write nonsensically and I grow some sideburns.
I’m going to sit in my parents’ basement
and devour testosterone pills.





Okay, Shoebox, why still no words?
Now my sideburns are a planet; you’re orbiting me.
And if you think you’re still better than me,
why don’t you go orbit your mom?





There’s no use acting like you can’t breathe.
You don’t need to be conscious for nonsense words
like “chairs crochet nebulae into glum proofs
Of the wax insurance of nines.”





Well I think I’m starting to understand:
you’d like to scream along silently.
How about for the next verse of the duet
you keep your pie hole shut.





Well that was a *beep*ing terrible act;
you lack pizzazz and you’re out of key.
I’ll just sing all the rest myself,
so be quiet for this bit too.

So now we’ve come to the end of the song
The song I wrote that you refuse to sing
I bet TV’s Kyle, after singing your drivel
Will happily sing this song.

TV’s Kyle:

Well *beep* it then, I’ll ask John Cage.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Queen of Hearts: Zombie/Tasty (Cranberries parodies)

What's in your head?This is to be sung to the tune of Zombie by The Cranberries:

Another head exploded,
brethren slow-dead taken.
If you bravely try to save me
you must be mistaken.
‘Cause you see, it’s not me,
it’s just my dead body;
in your head, in your head
is my breakfast.
Glial cells, and neurons,
and neurons, but not eyes.
In your head, in your head, that’s my checklist.

In your head
In your head
Braaaains braaaains braa-aaa-aains…
What’s in your head?
In your head?
Braaaains braaaains braa-aaa-aa-aaa-aaa-nom
You too to voodoo. You too to voodoo. You too to voodoo. You too to voodoo.

Ex-human new one’s breaking
heart is taken over.
And the bravest try to save it;
they must be mistaken.
We have changed recipe
since voodoo in Haiti:
in your head, in your head
is now breakfast.
Glial cells, and neurons,
and neurons, but not eyes.
In your head, in your head, you’ll be feckless.

In your head
In your head
Braaaains braaaains braa-aaa-aains
What’s in your head?
In your head?
Braaaains braaaains braa-aaa-aa-aaa-aaa-om nom nom nom nom nom nom eeeaaarrrraraaaarrgh

[a choreographed sequence of brain-eating and general zombie disintegration follows, with a loud, rhythmic banging from the other side of the door as a would-be saviour tries to break in and save any remaining humans. There is some hesitation after the door-banger manages to get in, as they recognise some of the zombies as former friends. The five quick drum beats are the end are gunshots as the door-banger finally shoots the zombies… in their heads. The final thud is the gunner hitting the floor, killed by too many zombies and too much bravado.]

And because I had the album ‘No Need To Argue’ on cassette tape, and therefore always listened to it in order, I couldn’t help getting the next song, ‘Empty‘ in my head once I finished ‘Zombie’. So here is the next track on The Zomberries’ ‘No Need To Argh, You!’ called ‘Tasty’.

[We start with somebody repeatedly moving their hands to their destroyed head and looking at them in dismay, trying to understand what has happened. After 51 seconds of poignant contemplation, they begin singing to their intact friend.]

Something has left my head and I don’t know where it went to… aah! Aah! Oww!
Somebody’s made me dead and it’s not when I was meant to.

Don’t you see me, don’t you hear me?
Don’t you see me standing here, ahh! Aaahh! Aarrghh!
Why did you get out that gun?
Don’t you know that I’m still in here?

Say a prayer for me;
move my soul on from this zombie.
My identity,
has it been taken?
Why are you shaking?

Help me… no brains now, they’ve turned into chow, let me show you how…
Help me… why the scream? You suddenly seem… you suddenly seem…
Tasty… eehee… heehee… feed me…
Tasty… eehee… heehee… eat ye…

Tasty… eehee… heehee… feed me…
Tasty… eehee… heehee… eat ye…

Tasty… eehee… heehee… feed me…
Tasty… eehee… heehee… eat ye…

Tasty… eehee… heehee… feed me…
Tasty… eehee… heehee… eat ye…

[These repetitions are sung during an encephalophagous ballet sequence, with the protagonist dancing around the victim, elegantly reaching in to grab handfuls of brain in time with the music, imparting angular momentum to the victim in doing so, such that the victim spins while slowly losing strength and crumpling to the floor. A beautiful, symmetrical pattern of blood spatter forms around the spinning victim. Later scholars will hypothesise that the spinning of the victim represents their literal ‘turning’ to zomebieism, but that idea is a load of brainslop.]

If my inner jukebox is accurate, the next track on the album is ‘Everything is dead‘, but we’ll leave that for another day.

Six things in progress, and this is the one I finish? It was about time I posted something, though. Back in the 90s, when people found out about music by listening to the radio, I was pretty obsessed with The Cranberries. When I got onto the internet, I joined fan mailing lists and found out about all their obscure songs. One of my first web pages, which I think is still up, for posterity, was a trading page listing my somewhat-rare singles. I still like the band, and followed what its members did after it split up. I’ve even seen Dolores O’Riordan live once and The Cranberries live a few times, since they were kind enough to get back together after I moved to Europe and started going to concerts. But as mp3s became more prevalent and easier to download and play, the zombie songs I was exposed to were rather different. So I thought The Cranberries’ biggest hit needed to be brought closer to current zombie song canon.

Edit: I forgot to mention, I’m in this awesome geek girl video by The Doubleclicks!

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