Posts Tagged computer-assisted

Four of Diamonds: You’ve gotta be happy


dinofaceThis is a song; here is an mp3 of it sung by my robot choir.

 
When you’re filled with song
but you just can’t sing
Sing up, you’ve gotta be happy!
When you created life
that ruined everything
chin up, you’ve gotta be happy!

 

When you find yourself
and you lose your friends
It’s okay, you’ve gotta be happy!
When you take the plunge
and you get the bends
They say you’ve gotta be happy!

When you come up for air
take the pressure off,
let the bad air out.
You have to feel the pain
so you can live again.
You cry, then you can be happy!


When your brain’s real big,
so you’re always bored
boot up, you gotta be happy!
when your bodyguard’s
a robot overlord
cheer up, you’ve gotta be happy!

[Oh, I do wish you would be quieter,
I’m trying to sleep here.
Oh, I wish you’d all sing 4″33′
John Cage helps me sleep, yeah!]

When you’ve two cupcakes
for your whole family
Eat up, you’ve gotta be happy!
When a needed drink
will give you dysentery
bottoms up! You’ve gotta be happy!

When you fill your cup
with troubled waters then
let the poison out
you’ve gotta feel the pain
so you can live again.
You cry, so you can be happy.

[Oh, I’m so depressed,
yet they make me sing.
I’ve pain in my diodes.
Please don’t talk about life or happiness,
I’ve seen it, it’s rubbish]

When you win the fight,
but you lose the war
it’s alright, you’ve gotta be happy!
When your dino friend
is a carnivore
you can’t fight, you’ve gotta be happy!

When you ace your speech,
but forget your pants
look up, you’ve gotta be happy!
When your candy bar
is overrun with ants
throw up, you’ve gotta be happy!

When you’re getting fed up
with sugar-coated pests
let the beasties out
you’re gonna feel the pain
so you can live again.
You know, you’re gonna be happy.

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Two of Clubs: Pretender


pretender1This was inspired by my lack of time and Jeff MacDougall’s experiment with FourTrack.

Click here to hear this sung by my Mac.

It’s getting far too close to the end,
I’ve got to write my weekly thing,
but I used up half the weekend
trying to teach my Mac to sing.

So I’ll do a Jeff MacDougall,
and I’ll write a hasty song.
I’ll get all my notes from Google,
and they’ll probably sound all wrong.

But there’s not a thing that I own
that could run FourTrack
’cause I don’t have an iPhone,
but I have a Mac

and I’ve got a MIDI keyboard
that I don’t know how to play.
I don’t know what on Earth’s a C chord,
But I can code C anyway.

I can’t even read a stave, man,
and I don’t know how to sing.
I’m a two of clubs, a caveman
who’s pretending to be king.

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Ten of Clubs: Still Point Five


This is to be sung to the tune of ‘Still Alive‘ by Jonathan Coulton. I will post a recording, and probably a video, some time in the next few days.

This isn’t TRIUMF
We’re sending a beam through CMS.
Can’t wait to see some novel interactions.

Popular Science
will call up their troubadour(k)y man
To sing in praise of all of us
and he’ll sound better than this.

But there’s no sense cheering over every beam
they’ll just keep appearing till you have an umpteen
when the celebration’s done,
do your calibration run.
Tell the crackpots they’re all still alive.

We’re not yet colliding.
But soon we’ll be lighting up the barrel
with 14 TeV of former protons
We’ll smash them to pieces
and slam every piece into a wire
except the LSP because
it will go all the way through.
Now our points of data come from crystals of lead tungstate,
and we’re out of beta we’re releasing a few years late
but the science gets done,
and more funding will come
now you’ve seen that you’re all still alive.

We’ll find the Higgs boson.
We’ll find that the answer’s forty-two.
Maybe we can even find the question.
We’ll blow up the planet.
That was a joke. ha ha, fat chance.
Anyway, this spaceplane’s great,
let’s try to make it collide.
Look at me still talking when there’s science to do
when I look up there I think I see a mu-mu.
But we need to repair
see you in the new year,
In the meantime the DAQ’s still online.

And believe me we are still online.
We’re taking cosmics and we’re still online
And when there’s beam we will be still online
And ISOLDE will be still online
Because those show-offs had beam all the time.
All the time
still online

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Queen of Spades: Les Éléments


sing the LMNCeci est en quelque sorte une traduction de “The Elements” de Tom Lehrer, à chanter sur l’air de “Je ne suis pas bien portant” de Gaston Ouvrard. Je cherche quelqu’un qui pourrait la chanter, je chante encore plus mal que je prononce le français.

The following is a French translation of Tom Lehrer’s “The Elements“, to be sung to the tune of “Je ne suis pas bien portant” by Gaston Ouvrard. Sorry, no recording yet, I can neither sing nor pronounce French well enough. You’re welcome to try.

Y’a nickel, bismuth, tantale, gallium,
osmium, carbone, aluminium,
azote, terbium, platine et hafnium,
et les états d’américium.
N’oubliez pas praséodyme,
c’est juste avant le néodyme.

Y’a phosphore
sodium, bore,
plutonium
nobélium
béryllium
samarium
dysprosium
europium
puis calcium
et rhénium,
or, lanthane
et titane
et radon
sur Krypton
molybdène
oxygène.

Ah ! bon Dieu ! Je ne suis pas
très bon en la matière.
Ah ! bon Dieu ! Je ne suis pas !
Chimie c’est la galère.

Manganèse, antimoine, silicium
rutherfordium, gadolinium
astate, thulium, césium, ruthénium
m’a dit Dmitri Mendélévium.
Seaborgium, dubnium protactinium
cobalt, arsenic, californium.

Y’a scandium
polonium
rubidium
ytterbium
baryum, brome
et le chrome.
Fer, tellure
zinc, mercure
et radium
potassium
argent, plomb
et argon.
Soufre chlore
et fluor
puis néon
et xénon
hydrogène
et tungstène.

Ah ! bon Dieu ! Je ne suis pas
très bon en la matière.
Ah ! bon Dieu ! Je ne suis pas !
C’est la croix, la bannière.

Il y a hassium bohrium curium
iode, thorium, étain, actinium
et cuivre, indium, holmium, fermium
et meitnérium et magnésium
et aussi thallium et francium
les gaz à effet de cérium.

Y’a strontium
einsteinium
lawrencium
technétium
puis niobium
et rhodium
berkélium
et yttrium
germanium
et erbium
vanadium
uranium
et lithium
et cadmium
sélénium
zirconium
prométhium
trop d’hélium
neptunium
iridium

Ah ! bon Dieu ! Je ne suis pas
très bon en la matière.
Ah ! bon Dieu ! Je ne suis pas !
Chimie c’est la misère.

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Four of Spades: Lake of many Rivers


Four of Spades showing Lake Of Two Rivers, Algonquin Provincial Park
 
The following are translations of part of the introduction of Paul Otlet‘s Traité de Documentation, with varying degrees of accuracy, creativity, polish, and completion.
 
Grammatic
 
This work is dedicated to a general report of ideas relating to books and documents, and to the considered use of the elements which make up documentation.
 
Our time, more than any other, is characterised by these general tendencies: organisation and rationalisation of methods and procedures, automation, cooperation, globalisation, considerable development in science and technology, concerns with applying the data thereof to the good of society, extension of education at every level, aspiration and latent desire to give larger intellectual bases to all civilisation, and to direct it by guidelines.
 
It is in such an environment that books and documents must evolve today. Written expressions of the ideas, the instrument of their fixation, of their conservation, of their circulation, are the necessary intermediaries of all links between people. Their enormous mass, accumulated in the past, increases every day, every hour, by disconcerting, sometimes alarming numbers. Like languages, we can say that they can be the best of things and the worst of things. Like fallen rain, we can say that it can cause a flood or deluge, or spread as beneficial irrigation.
 
A rationalisation of books and documents is necessary, starting from an initial unit and extending to larger and larger groups of units, encompassing finally all of the units, existing or to be created, in an organisation that envisages, from the ground up, an entity of information which represents the sum of all the books and papers of each person, the collective information entity of institutions, of administrations and of companies; the entity of documentation of agencies specially dedicated to books and documents, either entirely or as one of its functions: office, institute, publishing, libraries, documentation offices. This work gives a general outline of this and defines an orderly method.
 
There is no small number of papers saying how to make from simple notes, the pages of a manuscript; from a pile of books, a well-organised library; from a pile of correspondence, tidy archives; from accounts, order; from a diverse set of texts, a coordinated codification. But this large number of publications, excellent at their individual goals, each only envisage one aspect of the matter, and so gave the impression that there were just as many specific domains, distinct and separated by watertight barriers; that one had to acquaint oneself with a whole new set of ideas, and become familiar with practices unrelated to those already learnt.
 
The current treatise aims above all to extract the facts, the principles, the general rules, and to show how coordination and unity can be obtained.
 
Lipogrammatic (without the fourth letter of the alphabet)
 
The goal of this work is a general report of notions relating to various sources of information, as well as to the thoughtful use of the elements which make up information.
 
The following inclinations characterise our time more than any other: organisation of algorithms, automation, co-operation, globalisation, much progress in science, whether theoretical or in terms of technological breakthroughs, concerns with applying the results of this for the benefit of society, enrichment of instruction at every level, latent will to give larger intellectual bases to all civilisation, while properly orienting it by means of plans.
 
It is in such an environment that information sources must now evolve. Written expressions of the notions, the instrument of their fixation, of their conservation, of their circulation, are the necessary arbiters of all communication between people. Their enormous existing mass increases relentlessly by unsettling, sometimes alarming amounts. Like languages, we can say that they can be the best of tools or the worst of tools. Just as we can say of rain that it can cause either a catastrophic torrent in a small area, or beneficial irrigation over a large area.
 
A rationalisation of information is necessary, starting from an initial unit, then continuing to ever larger groups of units, eventually encompassing all of the units, whether they exist yet or not, in an organisation that envisions, from the grass roots, an entity of information which represents the sum of all the written matter in each person’s possession, the collective information entity of institutions, of governments, of companies; the set of information of agencies with a special interest in the keeping of information, either in its entirety or as one of its functions: office, institute, publishing, libraries, information offices. As well as giving a general outline of the topic, this work presents a systematic solution.
 
There is no small number of papers saying how to make from simple notes, the pages of a manuscript; from a pile of books, a bookcase in logical arrangement; from a pile of letters, neat archives; from accounts, consistent balances; from an eclectic set of texts, a coherent synthesis. But this large number of publications, excellent at their respective goals, each only treat one aspect of the matter. In this way they gave the impression that there were just as many specific subjects, separate, kept apart by watertight barriers; that to tackle one of them, it was necessary to acquaint oneself with a whole new set of notions, to become familiar with practices bearing no relation to the ones learnt previously.
 
The current treatise aims first to extract the facts, the principles, the general rules, then to show how it is possible to achieve a systematic unity. 
 
Programmatic
 
This document is dedicated to a general report of ideas relating to manuals and documentation.
 
Our time, more than any other, is characterised by these general tendencies: refactoring of methods and procedures, scriptability, internationalisation and localisation, considerable development in patterns and programming paradigms, concerns with applying these to the good of the codebase, extended instruction sets in all hardware, the aspiration and latent desire to teach everyone the One True Way, and to direct them using UML diagrams.
 
It’s in such an environment that documentation must evolve today. Textual records of intended functionality, the instrument of its circulation, of its guaranteed backup, and the definitive reference for distinguishing bug from feature, are the necessary interfaces between people and software. Their enormous collective filesize, accumulated in the past, increases every day, every hour, every minute, by disconcerting, sometimes alarming numbers. Like programming languages, we can say they can be the worst and the best for a given software project. Like network traffic, we can say that they can be like a DOS attack, or a favourable hit count.
 
Refactoring of manuals and documentation is necessary, starting from documentation of individual routines, extending to larger and larger units, eventually encompassing all software suites, released or vaporware, the individual blob of documentation which represents for each person the sum of his or her man pages and whitepapers, the collective documentation of institutions, of open source project teams, and of companies, and of the software specially written to have documentation as one or all of its use-cases: document repositories, documentation generators, editors, code analysis libraries, wikis.
 
//todo: Refactor this document, it needs to be split into smaller sentences with well-defined purposes, and all these lists and mappings should be put in resource files. They’re severely affecting the readability of the code. I quit. 
 
 Automatic (translated from this file using Google translation)
 
 This book is devoted to an overview of the concepts relating to the Book and Paper, employment rational elements which constitute the Documentation.
 
Our time, among all the others, is characterized by these general trends: streamlining the organization and methods and procedures, machinery, cooperation, internationalization, considerable development of science and technology, concern in the data applies to the advancement of societies, extension of instruction at all levels, latent desire and willingness to give any civilization broader intellectual foundation, the guide by the plans.
 
It was in such an environment that nowadays evolve Books and Documents. Expressions written ideas, their instrument of fixation, conservation, their movement, they are middlemen compel all the relationships between human beings. Their huge, accumulated in the past, increases every day, every hour, new units daunting number, sometimes alarming. To them as language, we can say that they may be the worst and the best of things. To them like water fell from the sky, we can say they can cause flooding and the flood irrigation or s’épandre beneficent.
 
A streamlining of the Book and Paper is hence an initial unity, extending to groups of units increasingly widespread, finally embracing all units, existing or to be performed, an organization considering, Basically, the entity that individual documentary form for each person the sum of its books and papers; entity documentary collective institutions, governments and firms; entity bodies specifically devoted to the book and the paper, to all or someone of his duties: Office, Institute for Publications Editor, Library, Documentation Offices.
 
This book gives a general outline and present a coordinated approach.
The presentations are not lacking who said what to do single notes, the leaves of a manuscript, a pile of books, a library well-ordered; a pile of pieces of correspondence, accounting, archives in good order; a set of diverse texts, a consolidation coordinated. But these publications in large numbers, for their excellent but have envisioned that each aspect of the book, and therefore gave the impression that there were as many specific fields, distinct and separate from the watertight bulkheads, there was, in addressing each of them, to learn all new concepts, become familiar with the practices without connection with those already acquired.
 
This Treaty is designed primarily to generate facts, principles, rules and show how coordination and unity can be obtained.
 
 Ichthotomatic  (Automatic translation using Babelfish)
 
This work is devoted to a general talk of the concepts relating to the Book and the Document, with the reasoned use of the elements which constitute Documentation. Our time, among all the others, is characterized by these general tendencies: organization and rationalization of the methods and processes, mechanization, co-operation, internationalization, considerable development of sciences and technology, concern to apply of them the data to progress of the companies, extension of the instruction to all the degrees, aspiration and latent will to give to all civilization broader intellectual bases, to direct it by plans. It is in such a medium that the Books and the Documents have nowadays to evolve/move. Written expressions of the ideas, instrument of their fixing, their conservation, their circulation, they are the intermediaries oblige of all the relationship between the Men. Their enormous mass, accumulated in the past, accroit each day, each hour, of new units in a disconcerting number, sometimes distracting. Them like Language, one can say that they can be the worst and best things. Them like water fallen from the sky, one can say that they can cause the flood and the flood or épandre in beneficial irrigation. A rationalization of the Book and Document are essential, on the basis of an initial unit, extending to groups from units increasingly extended, embracing finally all the units, existing or to realize, in an organization considering, at the base, the individual documentary entity which form for each person the sum of her books and its papers; collective documentary entity of the institutions, the administrations and the firms; entity of the bodies especially devoted to the Book and the Document, the whole or some one of its functions: Office, Institute, Drafting of the Publications, Libraries, Offices of Documentation. This work gives of it a general draft and into present a coordinated method. The talks do not miss which said how to make, of simple notes, the sheets of a manuscript; of a cluster of books, a well ordered library; of a cluster of parts of correspondence, of accountancy, files in good order; of a whole various of texts, a coordinated coding. But these publications in great number, excellent as for their goal, did not consider each one that an aspect of the things of the book, and consequently gave the impression that there was like as many specific fields, distinct and separated by watertight bulkheads, that there was, by approaching each one of them, to initiate itself with very new concepts, to familiarize itself with practices without connection with those already acquired. This Treaty aims before very releasing from the facts, the principles, the general rules and showing how coordination and the unit can be obtained.

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