Posts Tagged Joey Marianer

Our Road Trip from New York City to Seattle


Hey, remember when I shared a video in which I took down my poster wall in Vienna to prepare for moving to the US, and then another one as a summary of the trip to New York City aboard the Queen Mary 2? Well, in case you’re wondering how we got from there to where I now live in the Seattle area, I’ve just finished a summary video of that. We took a road trip, with various stops to see people, places, and events. Here’s a video summary of that incorporating various video clips and still photos I took on my phone, with some short clips of relevant songs whenever there’s not much else to listen to. You might not want to turn the volume up too high until you reach the first song clip; I realise now it’s a bit loud.

The beginning is a reference to a Father Ted scene.

Songs used:
Central in My Heart (feat. Josh Gad) from Central Park Season One, The Soundtrack โ€“ Song-tral Park (Original Soundtrack) (If you have Apple TV and you like animated musical comedies, watch this show!)
Fans of Apple, by Jonathan Mann
What’s Really In My Hotdog, by Devo Spice (I know at least three songs on this topic, but this one seemed most appropriate for showing autographs of all-American symbols of pride such as Big Bird, Gene Kranz, and Emo Philips)
Thrift Store Owner by The Barmitzvah Brothers (this is from an album of songs about various professions; it’s cool.)
Fireworks Pornography & Cheese by Dave Stagner (I used the version from the MarsCon Fundraiser)
Suddenly There’s a Valley, as sung by Petula Clark (this is perhaps the most widely-known song on this thing)
Rocks and Trees, by The Arrogant Worms
Home, by Kโ€™s Choice (from the album Almost Happy)

Perhaps I should get some kind of affiliate thing to link to the ones that aren’t on Bandcamp or the artist’s own sites, but you probably know how to find music on your chosen services.

You can see all my videos relating to moving (including several hours of 4K footage from aboard the Queen Mary 2) in this playlist, and those plus a few other instances of Joey and I being cute at each other in this one. Longer versions of those two clips from MoMath, plus some other mathematical things I’ve recorded, are in this playlist.

Here are some panoramic photos I took during the road trip. Flickr doesn’t seem to display panoramas well in Safari for Mac, but I remember being able to see them properly on my phone.

I had time to finish this video because I finally finished watching, writing overly-verbose descriptions of, splitting, and uploading all my footage from JoCo Cruise 2026 that I’m allowed to share. It’s about 24 and a half hours. I’d usually have this uploaded by the first of May, but they didn’t sing that song this year, so I had no deadline, and I do have a job with a commute, and a cutie to watch Star Trek with. I’ve also shared video of the two times I’ve seen James Dempsey since my last post about him.

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Some silly songs we sing around the house a lot


Recently Joey Marianer and I recorded a couple of songs we keep singing at/with each other. Here’s Baby Shark sung to the tune of Edelweiss. Usually, Joey sings harmonies, but we experimented with adding ukulele for the video, and Joey liked this version with just me singing the best:

Guess which one of those two songs is popular in Austria!

Lyrics:

Baby shark, baby shark
Do do do do do do do
Mommy shark, mommy shark
Do do do do do do do
Daddy shark, grandma shark, grandpa shark
Do do do do do do
Run away, safe at last
Do do do do do do do
Daddy shark, grandma shark, grandpa shark
Do do do do do do
Run away, safe at last
Do do do do do do do

This prompted me to finally write lyrics for another version of Baby Shark I’ve been thinking about. Here’s ‘Ode to my Shark Family’, a parody of ‘Ode to My Family‘, by the masters of ‘do do do do do do do’ songs, The Cranberries.

Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do

Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do

Baby shark and mummy shark
And daddy shark as well
And grandma shark and grandpa shark
Theyโ€™ll chomp you right to hell
You canโ€™t run here, you canโ€™t run
Itโ€™s the ocean.
Itโ€™s the ocean, not the ground.
Youโ€™re not safe here; youโ€™re not safe
Itโ€™s the ocean. Itโ€™s the ocean
Get ate or get drowned

I imagine โ€˜ateโ€™ is pronounce /ษ›t/ in this, although Iโ€™m not sure whether that pronunciation is actually common in Ireland. I’m a much bigger fan of The Cranberries than I am of my own singing, so I’m unlikely to further disgrace them by singing this.

The next one that we did record is what I guess you could call a ‘studio recording’ of something we sang at Dumb Parody Ideas at MarsCon, as mentioned in my last post. It’s ‘Garbanzo Beans (a.k.a. Chick Peas)’ (to the tune of O Tannenbaum, which is also probably popular in Austria) except that we’ve also added a French translation, titled Pois chiches (aussi appelรฉs ยซ garbanzos ยป). The fact that Joey is wearing an Arrogant Worms ‘Canadian Famous’ shirt while we sing in English and French is a coincidence. Today is the Swiss National Day, but Canada gets the presents! (Perhaps we can translate it into German, Italian, and Romansch in time for the next Canada Day.)

I’m not sure which one of us started singing ‘les haricots de garbanzos’, nor whether anyone actually calls them that, but I can take the credit/blame for the other line.

Lyrics:

Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Some people call them chickpeas
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Some people call them chickpeas
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Some people call them chickpeas

Les haricots de garbanzo
Certains les appellent pois-chiches
Les haricots de garbanzo
Certains les appellent pois-chiches
Les haricots de garbanzo
Les haricots de garbanzo
Les haricots de garbanzo
Certains les appellent pois-chiches

These songs can both be found in my playlist of dumb parody ideas by the two of us.

On the subject of song translation, a long time ago Joey’s father translated Robert Frost’s ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’ into Hebrew. A less long time ago, Joey came up with some music for the original, and sang it. A short time ago, the translation was found somewhere, and Joey sang that too.

Also on the subject of song translation, Le Ton beau de Marot: In Praise of the Music of Language is a great book by Douglas R. Hodstadter. Three days after I finally got a hold of a copy of it (after a few cancelled orders), back in 2007, I unexpectedly saw Douglas Hofstadter give a talk. It could happen to you!

I think that’s all I have to say for nowโ€ฆ I was considering mentioning a puzzle I made for a recent event, but I think I’ll save that for another post.

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Dumb Parody Ideas at MarsCon 2026


I just noticed that in my last post, I promised to post about the dumb parody ideas Joey and I performed at MarsCon. And wouldn’t you know, I also have a long-overdue recurring to-do-list item to write a blog post or something! So here’s my blog post or something, about the dumb parody ideas Joey and I performed at MarsCon.

The first song we sang was Fish Heads of the Night, a paraphrase of Fish Heads by Barnes & Barnes sung to the tune of Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera. Joey accidentally stopped the backing track partway through, which messed us up for the rest of it, so instead of our performance of it at MarsCon, here’s a video of us singing it at home, on International Towel Day.

Lyrics:

Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads
Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads
In the morning laughing, in the evening floating.
Ask a fish head anything you want
they won't answer for they cannot talk.

Our next song was Rubber Duckin’ It, a parody of Donald Duckin’ It by Ross Childs, about rubber duck debugging. That’s when a programmer will explain the problem they’re trying to solve to a rubber duck (or, more likely, start writing out their question to post somewhere) and in the process of explaining it, come up with an answer themselves, without the duck having to give so much as a quack (or without the question being posted).

Lyrics:

Well, Iโ€™m working late, and Iโ€™ve had a long day
Got a lot on my plate, while working hard for my pay
But thereโ€™s no one to ask, when I feel like a noob
So I get to my task, when Iโ€™m alone in my cube
I start explaining my woes, Like I could get some reply
From someone smarter that me, or even just that one guy
But I keep dumbing down, so there could be no more doubt
And now I put it like that, I think Iโ€™ve figured it out!
(Chorus)
Iโ€™m Rubber Duckinโ€™ it! yeah
Iโ€™m Rubber Duckinโ€™ it! yeah
Iโ€™m Rubber Duckinโ€™ it! yeah
And I'm talking to myself

Ross Childs was actually at the event, but was unfortunately in the hallway filming a TikTok while we performed.

Our final entry was Garbanzo Beans (a.k.a. Chick Peas), a parody of O Tannenbaum/O Christmas Tree about a legume with two names. This song pretty much wrote itself, or was already largely written on a can Joey was opening. Joey provided the garbanzo beans lines, and I provided the chick peas lines. Also, Joey, a seasoned a cappella singer, provided the harmonies while I concentrated very hard on sticking to the melody without being distracted by what Joey was doing.

Insane Ian really made this one by encouraging the crowd to sing along with the last line.

Lyrics:

Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Some people call them chickpeas.
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Some people call them chickpeas.
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Garbanzo beans, garbanzo beans
Some people call them chickpeas.

I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard the original songโ€ฆ in my music library I have a version of it called Trees are Green by The Cow Exchange, where all the lyrics are ‘O Christmas Tree’.

This one made it to the finals, but there was stiff competition, and we did not win the coveted golden spatula.

Here’s a playlist of all the dumb parodies we’ve sung within range of a camera over the years.

Coincidentally, while searching my YouTube uploads for these ones, I found a video in which Mary Robinette Kowal sings Rubber Ducky with her puppet named Garbanzo, which matched two of my searches.

After MarsCon, I went to JoCo Cruise, and it’s just as well they didn’t sing First of May on the cruise, because I usually aim to finish uploading all my videos from the cruise (at least up until that song) by the first of May, but this year, I had no chance. What with the cruise itself being later than usual, and more of my time taken up with working and commuting, I’m still only up ‘Til Tuesday. By which I mean, my latest upload so far is of Jim Boggia singing a ‘Til Tuesday song on the Tuesday of the cruise. You can see everything I’ve uploaded so far in this playlist.

After JoCo Cruise, I went to Deep Dish Swift, a pizza themed developer conference in Chicagoland. While there, I had not only some time to look into a crash in Seddit (my text-to-speech-focused Reddit reader for macOS and iOS), but also plenty of people around to help fix it. So I released a new version that fixes the crash, and also fixes an issue with iCloud sync.

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Holiday Inn Express Geometry


On our road trip across the USA, Joey Marianer and I stayed at many Holiday Inn Express hotels. I noticed that (at least for the Eastern side of the country) they had a lot of geometrical decor. In particular, some intriguing wallpaper, which I will analyse in the second hald of the post.

But first, some other geometrical art. For instance, this art made of triangles, shown here with a copy of the book I read on the trip, Matt Parker’s ‘Love Triangle‘:

Matt Parker's book held up in front of a framed artwork made up entirely of triangles of different colours, with mostly coloured triangles toward the top right and more white triangles (separated only by light grey borders) toward the bottom.

This art featuring hexagons, and occasional quadrilateral half-hexagons:

A framed abstract artwork made of rings of coloured rings of hexagons each with a white hexagon in the middle. On the top half the hexagons are mostly yellow, and on the bottom half they're mostly grey, but in between there are some red and purple rings. Sometimes, where the rings meet, the hexagons are split in through the middle, with a different colour on each side. There are also occasional lone red or purple hexagons as part of yellow or grey rings.

And this art with triangles inside hexagons!

A framed abstract artwork made up mostly of grey hexagons, though there are some freestanding triangles and some parts that are yellow, blue, green, or orange. Most of the hexagons have triangles drawn inside them (also usually grey) and each triangle has a smaller triangle at each of its corners.

This door decorated in triangles, diamonds, and parallelograms:

A sliding door divided into triangles, diamonds, and parallelograms in various colours

This more abstract collection of overlapping quadrilaterals making the occasional triangle:

Various diamonds and rectangles in different translucent colours, overlapping to form other shapes where they intersect.

Then there are perhaps less-artistic tesselations which I might not have noticed if not for the other decor. For instance, this couch featuring two different kinds of triangle:

A couch patterned with rectangles that are each divided through the centre into either four or two triangles (with the two-triangle rectangles being in groups of four so they could be seen as an eight-triangle square), with most triangles being grey or off-white, but some in pink or green.

This floor which seems to have at least two different lengths of floorboard:

Floorboards, some of which reach all the way across the picture, others of which are only about a third of that width.

This bedspread tesselation of diamonds and parallelograms:

Shiny white fabric with matte white lines making a design of diamonds surrounded by parallelograms, such that it could be interpreted as a lot of square steps viewed from an angle.

Now, onto the wallpaper. This was present in many different Holliday Inn Express hotels. Here’s the photo I took:

Off-white wallpaper with line art of a complicated pattern of various sizes of rectangles, some of which are divided into two triangles, and some of which have diagonal lines going only part of the way across them.

Here it is after I unskewed, cropped, and lightened it in GraphicConverter:

This raises a lot of questions:

  1. What is the repeating unit here?
  2. Which wallpaper group is it?
  3. What’s with all those lines that don’t meet the other side? Would the pattern make any more sense if I completed them?
  4. Is there some kind of pattern to the way the rectangles, the rectangles divided into triangles, and the rectangles with unfinished lines in them are arranged?

Okay, to answer the first question, here I’ve cropped it to show enough of the repeating units to recreate the whole thing, and converted it to black and white so we’re not distracted by the lighting:

At this point I switched from GraphicConverter to OmniGraffle. Here I’ve drawn in the repeating tiles:

A black and white representation of the wallpaper, with purple and orange rectangles surrounding parts of it

There are two kinds of tile, which I’ve outlined in solid purple and dashed orange. Vertically, the two kinds of tile alternate. Each column of tiles is offset vertically by half a tile from the ones next to it, so if you follow across the wallpaper, you’ll be alternating between top and bottom halves of tiles, and they might all be the same kind of tile, or they might be alternating kinds of tile, depending on where you start.

It took me a while to realise (actually, I think Joey pointed it out), but the orange tile is in fact the same as the purple tile, just flipped horizontally. That means we have what’s called a glide symmetry, or glide reflection โ€” it’s like a reflection, but the reflection is moved along. The classic example of a glide symmetry is a trail of footprints โ€” the two feet are mirror images of each other, but since they were walking when they made the footprints, they are never exactly next to each other.

So that means we can answer the question about wallpaper groups. It’s a rectangular lattice with only glide symmetries, no rotations or reflections. That’s called pg, and you can see other examples of it on wikipedia.

Here’s a single tile of it, from which we can construct the whole wallpaper:

One of the outlined rectangles from the image above

It has 43 triangles (mostly in rectangles divided into two triangles, but there’s one divided into three triangles on the bottom left), 24 plain rectangles, and 5 rectangles that have a diagonal line going partway across them.

Okay, so onto question three. What’s with those lines that don’t quite reach the other side? Here, I completed them, and approximately measured the angles using the arc tool in OmniGraffle (I use OmniGraffle for a lot of things that aren’t graphs. For instance, this quark explainer, and the icon of my next app.)

The same tile shown above, but with each partial diagonal lines continued to meet the other side of its rectangle, and the angles drawn in as 41ยฐ, 43ยฐ, 56.6ยฐ, 64ยฐ, and 40ยฐ.

There. Is that enlightening? No. Is that satisfying? Also, no. Two of the lines pretty much reach the other corner, if you squint, and three of them don’t. But perhaps knowing that you can give up on making any sense of this will give some relief.

Ah, but what about the arrangements of the three kinds of rectangle? Surely there’s something interesting about that. I haven’t found it, but maybe you could. Here’s a single tile, with a purple rectangle pattern for the plain rectangles, a pink zigzag pattern for rectangles divided into triangles, and a green pattern of short lines for rectangles with maddening partial lines in them. I’m not sure how useful the redundant coding is here, but it can’t hurt.

I’m not sure why I didn’t colour the three-triangle rectangle near the bottom left in a different colour from the two-triangle rectangles. I made these a while ago. [Next day edit: This bothered me too much to ignore. See below for a version with a different colour for that rectangle.]

I can imagine the letter P and a dog standing on its hind legs in pink, but I don’t think there’s any kind of hidden message here. Just to be sure, here’s the colourised version extended to show more of the wallpaper:

Well now perhaps there are a bunch of dogs walking past each other doing the can-can. Do you see any interesting geometry or other mathematics that I missed in any of these images?

Next-day edit: Here’s a version with the three-triangle rectangle in checkered orange. I accidentally used a different shade of pink, but the shade of pink had no mathematical value, so it’ll do:

And here’s a larger section of wallpaper using that version:

When I took these photos, I thought they might make a good talk at the MathsJam Annual Gathering. We ended up deciding not to go this year (though we’ll probably join virtually) so I won’t be giving that talk. I have also made a new app which could be the focus of a MathsJam talk. I have submitted it to the App Store, so I hope it will be out very soon.

On the subject of apps, I got a job offer, though I haven’t started work yet. That means I’ve released a new version of Seddit, my text-to-speech-focused Reddit reader, where the only update is that it no longer says I’m looking for work on the ‘Support Seddit’ tab of the settings.

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Seddit 1.5 supports multilingual Reddit listening. Also, Joey sang my half-baked PSOLA song!


A while ago I added the possibility to configure Seddit (my text-to-speech-focused hands-free Reddit client for macOS and iOS) with multiple voices so that each user’s content could be read in a different voice. Of course, iOS and macOS come with voices that speak a huge variety of different languages, so you could theoretically select, say, a Japanese voice, a French voice, and three English voices, and download Reddit posts and comments in all of those languages. However, until now, Seddit would randomly assign a voice to each user, without regard for the language that user had written in, so if you did that, you could end up with English posts pronounced as if they were French, Japanese character names read out in English, and so on.

In the latest version, if you select voices that speak multiple languages in the Voices tab of the Settings screen, when Seddit encounters a post or comment by a user it hasn’t chosen a voice for yet, it will detect which of those languages the post or comment is probably in, and choose a voice that knows how to pronounce that language.

Of course, this isn’t perfect โ€” it still always uses the same voice for each user, so if a user sometimes posts in French, and sometimes in English, or if they write in multiple languages within a single post because it’s a language-learning subreddit, then some of that is going to be spoken using an inappropriate voice. Also, if someone only writes in English but the first comment that Seddit encounters of theirs is an image meme and the text ‘c’est la vie!’ Seddit might determine that the user speaks French, and then hilariously mispronounce the rest of their posts. Note, if there is not enough text in the user’s first post for Seddit to even guess the language, it will not definitively choose a voice for that user until it encounters another post by them. I have yet to find either of these situations in practice, even while looking for them, so I hope it’s a rare issue.

The Voices tab on the new Settings screen in Seddit for iOS, showing some US English voices and a Canadian French voice selected.

Nonetheless, all of these situations are better than Seddit just randomly picking a voice for each user, regardless of which language they happen to be writing in. You should try it out, especially if you want to listen to Reddit content in various languages!

I also redesigned the Settings screen on iOS and iPadOS so it’s fullscreen and has a close button in the top right, as per Apple’s human interface guidelines, instead of a ‘Done’ button taking up a lot of space at the bottom and making the tabs look weird.

Note, while writing this post, I tested the regular ‘Start Speaking’ menu command on macOS and the ‘Speak’ command on iOS and found that it will sometimes switch to appropriate voices if I select multilingual text, even if my System Speech Language est rรฉglรฉ sur ใˆใ„่ชžใ€‚ Okay, it doesn’t work well for the French/English parts of that sentence. Maybe it’s only good with switching between languages if I switch scripts, e.g. ื‘ึทึผืจึฐื•ึธื–ึธืŸ ัƒั‚ะบะพะฝะพั ใ‚ซใƒขใƒŽใƒใ‚ท. Yep, that works, although if I select any other text along with ฯ€ฮปฮฑฯ„ฯฯ€ฮฟฯ…ฯ‚, it’ll read it as ‘Greek small letter pi’ etc. I guess Greek letters are used too often in English for the speech engine to assume we actually switched to Greek. There were certainly plenty of Greek letters in the Princeton Companion to Mathematics.

Anyhow, I’m thinking I could improve Seddit further by giving each user a voice in each language you’ve selected voices for, and detecting the language for each post/comment, or for each sentence. Though macOS doesn’t do that unless you switch scriptsโ€ฆ when I tried adding ‘J’imagine qu’il choisit une nouvelle langue pour chaque phrase.’ as a separate sentence and selected it along with a few English sentences, it read the whole thing in a French voice.

On the subject of interesting text-to-speech behaviour, and interesting behaviour in general, remember my half-written Lola parody about Pitch Synchronous Overlap and Add? Well, the lovely Joey Marianer had an appointment in town a while ago, and sneakily recorded the song in a parking building as a surprise, because I’m usually home so there’s little chance to record things at home without my hearing. I was duly surprised and delighted. Even the disclaimer about the missing bridge sounds like it scans as a bridge! Now you can also be surprised, delighted, and probably confused as to why this half-baked song was considered worth singing.

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James Webb Space Telescope (now actually sung) and Seddit 1.4


In my last post I gave lyrics to a parody of an Arrogant Worms song about the James Webb Space Telescope, and an update to my text-to-speech focussed Reddit client Seddit. I also said two things that turned out to be false:

  • Joey and I will probably sing this parody, but it will take more mixing and video editing than our usual songs.
  • This completes all the major features I have planned the app โ€” I have other ideas for improvement, but I donโ€™t think theyโ€™re essential. Iโ€™m hoping that the next update will be simply to remove the text saying Iโ€™m looking for a job.

Well, the other night Joey asked if I wanted to sing the song, and I said, “Okay! I should change into a more space-related shirt first” and then Joey produced two James Webb Space Telescope T-shirts out of nowhere, having secretly ordered them previously. So we changed into the shirts, and then we sang it, directly into a camera together, with no warmup or practice, and Joey trimmed the ends and put the video on YouTube. I had thought we’d sing our separate parts, get them perfect, then mix them, and make a video with some relevant educational images. Instead, here’s an imperfect but pretty good recording already!

I know where I made a mistake, but I’m not going to hang a lampshade on it so you’ll notice.

As for Seddit, well, not only did I not get the job I was hoping for when I wrote that, I also decided to update the app to use the new Liquid Glass design language that came out with iOS and macOS 26. I found and fixed a few other issues along the way. Here are the changes in Seddit 1.4:

  • Features
    • Added support for liquid glass appearance in iOS/macOS 26
    • Moved playback controls to a liquid glass overlay so you can see more content around the edges
  • Bug fixes
    • Made sure compliments purchased on the Support Seddit screen are always shown in the same order
    • Made the Voices Settings screen on macOS show which voices are Enhanced or Premium (I also filed bug FB20362911 with Apple about this, because thereโ€™s some system behaviour thatโ€™s inconsistent between iOS and macOS)
    • Fixed an issue introduced in Seddit 1.2 whereby posts whose comments are not all read would be shown as read instead of partly read

You can get the latest version for Mac, iPhone, or iPad on the relevant App Store.

On the subject of songs and liquid glass, check out this song by James Dempsey about liquid glass:

Thanks to Seattle Xcoders, I was lucky enough to have seen the live debut of this, and another performance of it, which I recorded but don’t have permission to share yet.

I haven’t actually had any legibility issues with liquid glass though โ€” and if I did, I know I could always turn on Reduce Transparency.

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So I leave my bags behind (Galilee Song parody, now actually sung!) and another new version of Seddit


Hey look, Joey Marianer sang the parody song lyrics from my last post! Check there for the lyrics and the aviation incidents referenced.

There are some more song parody lyrics, but first, a word from my sponsor: me. Just like last time, I’ve released a new version of Seddit, my text-to-speech-focussed Reddit client for macOS and iOS. This has a feature I’ve wanted to add for a while โ€” the possibility to select multiple voices, and read each user’s posts and comments in a different one. The variety makes it easier to keep paying attention when listening for a long time, and having each user consistently use the same voice should make it easier to follow conversations.

I made some other changes in this version too. Here’s a full list of them:

Features

  • Added the possibility to have each userโ€™s posts and comments spoken in a different voice
  • Added settings for whether to read out the subreddit name, and date and time for each post.
  • Added the option to load no comments โ€” this was for Joey, who wanted to try listening to short story subreddits while obeying the “don’t read the comments” rule of the internet.

Bug fixes

  • Fixed a bug whereby turning off the โ€˜Say โ€œLinkโ€ instead of reading out URLsโ€™ setting would not work
  • Fixed a bug where comments that werenโ€™t loaded would be read as โ€œcomment by unknown userโ€ Comments that arenโ€™t loaded due to the comment depth settings are also no longer displayed.
  • Fixed a potential crash when opening the app if posts had been deleted on another device

On the subject of text-to-speech, nine or ten years ago I read a book and a bunch of papers on speech synthesis in order to write a term paper for my Web Development for Linguistics degree. The term paper was longer than the text of my thesis, because my thesis also included source code for a web site and a Mac app. Anyway, from this book I learnt about PSOLA (Pitch Synchronous Overlap and Add) which is used to change the pitch and duration of sounds for text-to-speech, as one might do to change prosody, or create a robot choir.

Newer voices don’t use PSOLA so much, as (to put it simply) they have more samples of actual speech in different situations, so they don’t need to modify samples for the sake of prosody. Note, this is ‘newer voices’ as of a decade or two ago; I don’t know whether the latest crop of ML-based voices do things the same way. Anyway, I assume this is why the newer macOS voices don’t support the TUNE format I used for my robot choir.

At the time, I wrote an utterly silly partial parody of Lola, by The Kinks, about PSOLA. I thought maybe I’d finish it or maybe even make it less silly[why?], but I never did, and now I don’t remember enough about how PSOLA works to fully understand what I originally wrote. So here is that draft. It really doesn’t scan, but I hope it doesn’t scan in amusing ways:

I was trying to synthesise some prosody,
but my source and filter were mixed up just like granola
G-R-A-N-O-L-A, granola.

So I found a new way to make it sound rad
Itโ€™s called pitch-synchronous overlap and add, that is PSOLA
P-S-O-L-A PSOLA. Pso-pso-pso-P-SOLA.

Well I didnโ€™t want to sound like a smallpox blight
So I really took care with my to get my epochs right
for PSOLA. Pso-pso-pso-P-SOLA.

If youโ€™re not dumb then youโ€™ll soon understand
How I speak like a woman then sound like a man
Itโ€™s P-SOLA. Pso-pso-pso-P-SOLA. Pso-pso-pso-P-SOLA.

[It doesn’t look like I wrote anything for the bridge (is that a bridge?) of the song, so just pretend it keeps going roughly like before]

It was used to make synthesized speech sound natural
But now thereโ€™s some super-sized features that fill that role-uh
R-O-L-E hyphen U-H role-uh

So thatโ€™s my guess if youโ€™re wondering why r-
ecent voices donโ€™t sing in my robot choir:
No PSOLA.

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Sailing off into the sunset toward America


As mentioned previously, I have an idea for a music video I’d like to make about my move to the US. But before I make that, I wanted to publish some of the video I took on the trip, in a fairly raw and unedited way, just to get it out there. I already published hours of 4K video from the ship leaving Hamburg, leaving Southampton, and arriving in New York City, recorded with my Sony ZV1 camera on a tripod.

Well, it was time to put together whatever random video I took with my iPhone. And I was just going to stick it all in a video with fades between clips, but there really wasn’t much going on in terms of sound โ€” it needed music. And of course if there was going to be music, I’d better edit the footage a bit more to fit in with the music. So I ended up making something of an impromptu music video. Probably the coolest part (other than the music) is the sunset I recorded from the front of the ship one evening.

The song is ‘America’ by K’s Choice, as covered by my friend Joseph Camann when I requested it on his Patreon. Joseph is a multifaceted and multitalented individual who is also known as Chromatic Verse (mostly for visual art) CamannWordsmith (mostly for writing) and Joseph and the Bear Hat (for song covers.) It is unclear which parts the bear hat played in this cover.

I initially thought that the song ‘America’ would work better for the road trip across America than the trip across the pond, so I spent some time trying to find something else for this oneโ€ฆ but come on, ‘America’ has a line about the sun rising and falling, and most of the video is a sunset. How could I not? Also there’s the double bonus of publicising both my friend Joseph and also one of my favourite bands, K’s Choice.

A day or so after we got to NYC, we visited MoMath, and I recently realised that while I’d put up video of Joey Marianer riding a square-wheeled tricycle there, I had forgotten to edit the other video I took of Joey at MoMath. Here’s Joey changing some benches from a triangle shape to a square and back, set to one of the free jingles that comes with Final Cut Pro:

That’s it for now. Stay tuned for a video of whatever I recorded on my phone during our ensuing road trip across the US, which I will inevitably spend more than the expected amount of effort on!

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Lifetiler for iOS and iPadOS


TL; DR: Lifetiler now works on iOS and iPadOS as well as macOS, and is available on the App Store for macOS 15 and iOS 17 and above.

In November, I released Lifetiler for macOS, an app I wrote to keep track of which days Joey and I were together in-person โ€” like the contribution graph on GitHub, but with more information. It’s a SwiftUI multiplatform app, which means it could always, in theory, run on iPhone and iPad, but during the initial development I mostly only tested it on macOS, so I didn’t want to release the iOS version until I’d tested it more to make sure it adapted well to the iPhone and iPad worlds.

After releasing the macOS version, I got distracted by another app I wanted to write (so many apps, so little time!) Recently it occurred to me that if I should happen to get a job at a company that has rules about what its employees can do on the App Store, I should try to publish my apps before any such rules apply to me. And I knew it would be quicker to make an iOS version of Lifetiler than to finish the other app, so that’s what I should do first. So I did! Here’s how it looks on iPhone. You can see more screenshots of Lifetiler on macOS, iOS, and iPadOS on the relevant App Stores and on the Spondee Software page for Lifetiler.

  • Screenshot showing a list of date ranges, each with an emoji, and an edit panel with options to change the dates or emoji of a selected date range
  • Screenshot showing a grid mostly of purple squares, but with some ship, train, and country flag emoji.
  • Screenshot of 'Export as Image' sheet, with settings for Tiles per Row, Tiles per Column, Background Colour, Emoji Background Colour, and Image width and height
  • Screenshot showing a grid mostly of black squares, with the occasional run of five to seven blood drop emoji

It turned out quite a few things needed to change for the app to work well on iOS, so it wasn’t as quick as I’d hoped. Also, my 2017 iPad Pro only runs iOS 17, not 18, so I had to make sure it would work on the slightly older OS.

Along the way I added the ability to save the background colours used in an image export, and made some improvements to the VoiceOver and Dark Mode interfaces, as well as the performance (I have James Dempsey’s Instruments course to thank for that, although my slowish iPad also helped.) These changes also affect the macOS version, so I’ve released version 1.1 for macOS as well. The iOS version is also 1.1, for consistency, although it’s the first version of it I’ve released. Hey, if all Apple’s OSes can jump to v26 simultaneously, I may as well.

But app updates are nothing without life updates, so here’s an updated Lifetiler chart of Joey’s and my relationship, as created by Lifetiler on my iPhone 12 Pro. Check out all those ๐Ÿก emoji at the end where we live together! I suspect some date ranges were slightly altered as I was testing the app on various platforms, but it’s close enough. Currently the only divisors of the number of days we’ve known each other are 17 and 179, so I went for a square-ish image with some empty space at the end. It is possible to change the start and end dates in the Document Settings to avoid empty space, but I wanted this one to have the actual number of days we’ve known each other.

In case you’re wondering, we’ve been together in-person for 533 of the 3043 days we’ve known each other, in 17 contiguous stretches โ€” so since we didn’t start dating until the second time we met, this is technically our 16th date. This is getting serious! Anyway, go check out the app! You get both the macOS and iOS versions in the same purchase.

Oh, one more thing: I’ve also made some small updates to my iOS-only apps NastyWriter and NiceWriter, just to update their contextual menus to be more in line with the current iOS.

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Captain Quark and Juratron Park, JoCo Cruise and other news


Last year on JoCo Cruise, Aimee Mann sang a song called The Ballad of Captain Quark โ€” the song title having been suggested by ChatGPT as a typical Jonathan Coulton song title:

This year, one of the theme days on the cruise was Captain Day, so obviously I had to dress as Captain Quark. I got a custom captain’s hat and some ‘Quark’s Bar‘ pyjama pants, and wore them with a ‘one quark, two quark, red quark, blue quark’ T-shirt I got in 2003 from online funny T-shirt pioneer Gary Freed, and a CMS hoodie I got from CERN last year.

Of course, this outfit on its own would make very little sense to most people, so I made some postcard-sized cards with the lyrics (as far as I can make them out) of the song on them. Here’s a pdf of that.

Of course, the song on its own would make very little sense to most people, so I wrote and illustrated an explanation of quarks, with particular reference to things mentioned in the song, for the other side of the cards. Here’s a pdf of that. This is my first real foray into science communication; how did I do?

I made it in OmniGraffle, because that seems to be my default these days. I didn’t have room to explain as much about colour confinement as I would have liked, and colour confinement is pretty neat (as is this animation of it.) Since Captain Day happened to be on the same day as the Open Mic, Joey Marianer sang part of The Ballad of Captain Quark, and then I followed up with what would be on the sequel postcard โ€”ย my poem Juratron Park (which is available on my album!), and an explanation of that:

I recorded the rest of the open mic tooโ€ฆ if you performed there, let me know if it’s okay to publish video of you, and what links or other information you want me to put in the video description.

On the subject of video, I uploaded my video from the Queen Mary 2 leaving Southampton, which I mentioned in my last post, and I’m now busy watching, writing descriptions for, and uploading my videos from the 2025 JoCo Cruise.

On the subject of JoCo Cruise, the 2026 cruise is already sold out, with a long waitlist, but there is currently a possibility to add a second cruise the week immediately after that one, from March 28 to April 4 2026, leaving from San Diego. If you would like to be on that, and you haven’t already booked for the existing JoCo Cruise 2026, you can make a fully-refundable deposit. Deposits may be placed until Monday, April 7th at 8 pm EDT, and my understanding is the number of deposits they get by then will determine whether this second cruise becomes a reality. If it does, people already booked on the original cruise will have the opportunity to switch to the second one or book both.

On the 2024 cruise, Joey and I met someone wearing an ‘๐ŸŒˆI’ve got anxietyโœจ’ T-shirt, and Joey pretty much immediately wrote a barbershop tag about it (which we then sang two parts of to the shirt-wearer.) Joey has since found a workable way to record all the parts and put them together, so here it is, along with the shirt design:

Please feel free to replace the anxious voices in your head with this. Just sing at them when they try to tell you bad things. Earworms vs. Brainweasels: Fight!

Now for some updates on things mentioned in my last post. Joey and I have now finished watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, watched this chat between Wil Wheaton and Cirroc Lofton, and started watching Star Trek: Voyager, interspersed with episode recaps from The Delta Flyers podcast.

I’m still looking for a job, and working on the app I mentioned in my last post. Currently I’m learning about CloudKit, concurrency in SwiftData, and strict concurrency checking in Swift 6. I’ll be attending Deep Dish Swift in less than a month to learn about all sorts of other things.

That’s all from me; please enjoy CERN’s April Fools joke for this year.

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