Posts Tagged Joey Marianer

Because ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ isn’t going to rewatch itself


Back in 2014 I recorded Hank Green talking about ‘picking the right addiction’ after a performance of his song ‘The Man Who Throws The Tetris Piece’. He said (with a few bits edited out so it makes more sense in text):

I’ve spent a fair amount of time addicted to Tetris, growing up. And now I spend about the same amount of time addicted to Flappy Bird — I’m not saying I’ve grown up at all. I think that there’s no way to escape addiction, in some way. Everybody’s going to be addicted to something, at some point, or all the time — we always have an addiction, whether it’s playing music, or creating, or heroin, or Flappy Bird, we have to have these things that we repeatedly go to in order to be happy, productive people. Because you can’t be on all the time; you have to have something your brain is ready to go to. And I feel like a lot of the responsibility of being a functional adult is picking the right addiction. Being addicted to creating is fantastic — like if you have that moment where otherwise you just like, sort of fall to Flappy Bird, you’re like, “Well I’m not doing anything → Flappy Bird” “I’m not doing anything → Watch TV”. If you can occasionally go “I’m not doing anything → Make something”, that’s wonderful. And that’s the thing that I would encourage. And of course, not 100% of the time, because Star Trek: The Next Generation isn’t going to rewatch itself.

Soon after, I wrote song lyrics inspired by this, to the same tune as The Man Who Throws the Tetris Piece.

Well, I do try to fall to creating things… before I moved in with Joey I was often either writing code or poetry or editing videos during my spare time. Now that I’m here, I do a lot of that (interspersed with applying for jobs, and unpacking my 37 boxes of stuff, which arrived about three weeks ago) during the work day, and we do things together during our spare time (I think Joey is a good addiction to pick though.) That’s usually either listening to podcasts, watching TV, or doing cryptic crosswords or other puzzles. So I’m watching a lot more TV than I used to, and yet, still had time to update two apps and release a new one. 🤔 Maybe the key to productivity is not having a job (but I do plan to contribute financially to this household eventually. I know you’re reading this, Joey!)

Anyway, after seeing the great Luke Ski premiere his song about Star Trek: Lower Decks at FuMPFest, we started watching Lower Decks together. We got to about episode 9 before we realised that I just didn’t remember enough Star Trek to get enough of the jokes. When I was a kid, if I happened to turn the TV on and see Star Trek (usually The Original Series, but sometimes The Next Generation) was on, I’d watch it, but I don’t ever remember knowing when it would be on and making a point to watch it. I’m not sure I had that much control over the TV. So, I watched some of Star Trek: The Next Generation, at least 30 years ago, but the only characters I really remembered were Data, Geordi La Forge, and Jean-Luc Picard.

I’ve been going on JoCo Cruise since it started in 2011, and Wil Wheaton has been on most of them, but I had no memory of his character Wesley Crusher. I read his book of episode recaps, Memories of the Future, because it was a freebie with the cruise, but I didn’t remember the episodes, or many of the characters in them. A year or so after the cruise started, I spotted a dress in a regular clothing store in Geneva that seemed vaguely Star-Trek-esque, googled a bit to confirm it, bought an official combadge prop to put on it and some boots to wear with it, and wore it on the cruise and at a few other events. I certainly felt like Star Trek was a familiar part of my life, but didn’t remember many specifics about it.

So… in mid-October, Joey and I decided to (re?)watch Star Trek: The Next Generation, and read Wil’s recap of each episode after we watched it. It was really fun, and the only things that seemed familiar were parts I’d either read about in Wil’s book, or knew from songs, memes, YouTube clips, and general cultural osmosis. I had a few vague things in my head that I thought I remembered from watching it before, but never actually found them in the show.

That is, until the final double episode, ‘All Good Things…’! I recognised that one from the very first scene, and remembered enough to predict roughly what was going to happen. I suspect some specific friends showed it to me when I visited them in either France or Amsterdam as an adult. But I vaguely remember not knowing who some of the characters were when I watched it previously.

During the two months or so when Star Trek: The Next Generation was our go-to, Joey would often sing Blake Hodgett’s Star Trek: The Next Generation Episode Guide and also a song in Hebrew written by a comedy group called Hipopotam and set to the TNG theme tune. I mentioned these on social media and a friend who was learning Hebrew asked about the latter song. Since it doesn’t otherwise exist on the internet, Joey sang it and figured out some MIDI instrumentation, and I made a bilingual lyric video for it, which is below:

So you see, rewatching Star Trek: The Next Generation can also result in making something! I had to restart Final Cut Pro several times while making this, because sometimes it would seem to get confused by all the titles (some parts have six separate title elements) and not let me edit or preview them properly.

I also made another small thing. In the episode “Journey’s End”, Wesley Crusher (who by this point has the voice I recognise as Wil Wheaton’s!) said “Maybe I am sick of following rules and regulations! Maybe I’m sick of living up to everyone else’s expectations! Did you ever think of that?!” and I thought this had some good rhyme and rhythm to it, so here’s a poem I made from it:

Maybe I am sick of following rules and regulations!
Maybe I am sick of living up to expectations!
Maybe it’s not starships where I’ll fly until I splat.
Maybe other planes, though, did you ever think of that?!

I won’t explain the last line, because it’s a spoiler (that I already knew about from Wil’s book.)

Some things that I did or noticed while watching Star Trek: The Next Generation for what seemed to be the first time:

  • I’d say, ‘Hey, I know that guy!’ whenever I saw Wil Wheaton in the credits. I don’t know him, really, but we’ve interacted a few times on the cruise, I’ve read or seen him read things he’s written, and I’ve listened to his podcast and some books he’s narrated. When we started watching the show, I knew him better than I knew his character.
  • The lines on the top of the front of the uniforms in the first season make it look like they’re all wearing capes.
  • I understand what Wil meant about those sweaters. Wow.
  • My dress, black with red along the top and down one side, is closest to either a Starfleet cadet uniform or a Deep Space Nine uniform. I haven’t seen Deep Space Nine (aside from maybe the pilot when it was on TV) but there was a crossover episode during The Next Generation. This means I do have the correct combadge for it, contrary to what somebody told me once.
  • Spot (Data’s cat) changed sex at least once, probably twice but I wasn’t as sure about it the first time.
  • If I ever do linguistic field work, I would want to do it in a cool jacket like the one Picard started wearing in “Darmok”.
  • Brent Spiner (who plays Data) sometimes plays four or five different characters (two with the same costume and makeup) in one episode and they barely even look alike. Meanwhile I can’t tell the difference between one brown-haired clean-shaven white male Hollywood actor (probably named Chris) and another. I can’t usually tell which parts of a TV performance come from the actors, but I’m fairly sure Mr. Spiner is good at acting.

In other news:

  • I edited and uploaded my 1.5 hours of 4K video from the Queen Mary 2 as it did some fancy manoeuvring and then sailed out of Hamburg. I still have several other videos to make, as listed in a previous post.
  • According to my YouTube year in review, in 2024 I uploaded 258 videos, and got 161.1K views, 125 new subscribers, 1005 likes, 131 comments, and 1036 shares. Compare this with 2023, when I uploaded 261 videos, got 216.6k views, 156 new subscribers, 2022 likes, 135 comments, and 1600 shares — quite similar in most stats, but twice as many comments somehow? What this mostly means is, I sure upload a lot, and that one video sure gets a lot of attention. The new videos are mostly concert footage, so don’t take as much effort as it sounds, though I do spend a fair bit of my free time on them for a few months after the JoCo Cruise.
  • I’ve joined Bluesky, as that seems to be where a lot of the fun microblogging is going on these days. I should probably change it to use this domain but I haven’t got around to it yet. Posts from this blog will be automatically shared there, on mathstodon, and I think (I’m not sure, as I set it up after my last post) my facebook fan page. I’m not sure if I’ll keep posting them on X, as it can’t be done automatically and it’s getting to be a bit of a pain to keep up with — I get too many notifications from people I’ve never followed, no matter how many times I attempt to turn that off.
  • On December 24th, Joey and I would have been together in person for a total of 365 days! I might post on the day with an updated Lifetiler graphic, but given how long it’s taken me to write all this, maybe I won’t.
  • I should probably release an iOS version of Lifetiler, but instead I dove headlong into an app that a friend wanted, and then, just when I had a reasonable proof of concept, dove tailshort out of it again to do Advent of Code and LeetCode exercises.

I’ve heard people complain that job interviews are all LeetCode these days and everyone has memorised LeetCode, but I had not encountered that and didn’t really know what it was until now. But I had a few initial job interviews, and was explicitly told that LeetCode would be a good way to prepare for the next round, so I tried it and actually found it quite fun. I’ve mentioned before that I prefer coding in an interview rather than making yet another JSON-to-TableView app as a take-home exercise.

This is also my first time doing Advent of Code. I planned to do it in Python because it’s probably about time I learnt that language, but then I did the first day’s puzzles in a spreadsheet and the next four days’ in Swift. Maybe I’ll switch to Python at some point, but it’ll be more difficult as I progress through the harder puzzles.

LeetCode and Advent of Code have different kinds of challenge that are interesting for different reasons. LeetCode stays at roughly the same level of difficulty (there are I think three different levels, but that’s about it), cares about how efficiently your code runs, and will tell you the right output when your code gets it wrong. And once you get it right, you can read about ways to do it better. On the other hand, Advent of Code puzzles get gradually harder each day, don’t care about efficiency (you run the code on your own machine and just enter an answer) but also won’t tell you the answer, so you just have to keep reasoning about your code until you figure out what could be wrong with it. They also have a backstory as to why you’re solving a given problem, rather than just an abstract requirement.

Do you see why I don’t blog very often? It’s because every time I do, the post ends up being very long and taking most of my day, which is because I don’t blog very often. I think it’s time to end this one!

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Lifetiler for macOS: it’s like a temperature quilt for your life


TL; DR: I wrote a macOS app called Lifetiler that can be used to chart your life with an emoji or colour for each day, and you can download it here.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I was in a long-distance relationship with Joey Marianer for several years. We met on JoCo Cruise, communicated a lot on FaceTime, and visited each other a few times a year when possible. Eventually we got married, and two and a half years later we moved in together.

On 7 August 2022, I had several hours to spare in an airport business lounge after Joey had left, so I started writing an app called Lifetiler to chart how many days we’d been together in-person. As I write this on 12 November 2024, we’ve been together in-person for 323 days of the 2811 days we’ve known each other, in 15 contiguous stretches. That makes this our 14th date, since we didn’t start dating until the second time we met. We’re on track to have been together in-person for 365 days on December 24.

Screenshot of a window showing a document called 'Joey Lifetile'. On the left is a list of date ranges next to emoji, with the heading '323 of 2811 days, in 15 contiguous stretches'. On the right is a grid of symbols, mostly grey squares but with some stretches of US, Austrian, and Canary Island flags. On the corner of one of the Austrian flags is a 💍 emoji.

But I digress. I don’t need to keep track in the app any more, because we live together! But I’ve continued working on the app to make it usable for people who aren’t me, and now it’s on the App Store. For now it’s $2.99 in the US store, because that’s <3, which makes a heart. ❤️ Whether the price stays that low depends on how soon I get a day job.

In the app you can date ranges with colors or emoji indicating what happened on those days. You can then export a chart as an image or a series of emoji. You can choose how many days to show per row or column, and the app will suggest numbers that will give you a full rectangle without gaps at the end. Here is an image chart of Joey’s and my first 256 days together in-person:

a 49x56 grid, with some pale pink squares with mostly country flag or cruise ship emoji in them, separated by plain grey squares. The last few squares have the 🏡 emoji.

Here I’ve chosen a white background for the image overall, and a pale pink background around each emoji. Dates where we weren’t together (i.e. dates which aren’t included in any date ranges) are dark grey squares.

In an text (emoji) export, colours will be converted to the closest square emoji. I’m not going to paste the emoji version of the Joey document inline because it’s quite large, but here it is as a file:

It’s also possible to show the same document in a ‘simplified’ mode, with the same colour or emoji for all days that are within date ranges — so in our case, I used a heart for every day we were together. In this chart I used light grey background for the whole thing, no background for individual emoji, and blue squares for the days we weren’t together:

a 49x56 grid, mostly of dark blue squares, but with some runs of pink heart emoji.

You could use Lifetiler to chart long-distance relationships, where you’ve traveled, daily progress towards goals, the timeline of a novel you’re writing, a roster, your moods, symptoms, or anything you can reduce to an emoji or colour per day. It’s a document-based app, so you can have separate documents for whatever you want to chart. I’d be quite interested in knowing what you use it for! If you’re unsure what the most important thing to show on a given day is, you can have overlapping date ranges, so there’d be more than one emoji or colour on a given day, then choose which one you want shown in an emoji or image export.

I developed Lifetiler as a multi-platform SwiftUI app, which means I can easily make an iOS version which will open the same documents. That’s one of the next things on my to-do list, but since I’ve personally been using the app mainly on macOS, I would like to do substantial testing on iOS before I release it.

Here’s that App Store link again so you don’t have to go looking for it now that you know what the app does. Enjoy!

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This is when the [poster] wall comes down


Here’s a video in which I take down my posters in my apartment in Vienna, in order to pack them up to move to the USA. It includes improvised song parodies and silly jokes from Joey Marianer and myself.

I took this video partly to have a record of my poster wall (though I also have a photo of it which I sometimes use as a Zoom background) and partly because if I get permission to do so, I’ll make a music video of Sam Bettens’ song ‘Go’ documenting the entire move, and a sped-up version of this video will be used for the lyric ‘this is when the wall comes down’. For now I’ve just used that one clip of the song, since I suppose it’s short enough to be fair use. Other songs referenced in the video are:

My posters are still in a crate on a truck somewhere between Montréal and here, so my home office currently only has a map of the route we took on the Queen Mary 2, and a Dogcow print, which I had wanted for a while but wasn’t prepared to pay the shipping and import fees for while I was living in Austria.

Aside from the music video, I have several other videos about moving here that I still need to edit, including:

So watch this space! (I’m adding links as I upload the videos mentioned) Or subscribe to my YouTube channel and watch that space instead.

I’ll also put more photos from the trip on Flickr, so that’s another space you can watch. For now I’ve only put up panoramas from our pre-move trip to Fügen, our view of New York from the Queen Mary 2, and our road trip from NYC to Seattle.

In other news, Joey and I once again went to the MathsJam Annual Gathering in the UK. We didn’t give any talks, participate in the bake-off, enter a competition in the competition competition, or write any new parody songs for the MathsJam Jam this time. I won one of the competition competition competitions by writing the joke ‘What do you get if a Platonic solid loses a duel with its dual’ for the pre-determined punchline ‘the phantom of the solid’, but even that was just based on a poem I wrote (and performed) previously. We did, however, participate in Taskmathster as one of the Saturday evening activities, then two days later in London, we did the Taskmaster Live Experience. Both were a lot of fun!

Also, I have just released a new Mac app! It’s the one I made to create charts of days Joey and I have spent together while living apart (as seen in my previous post about moving to the USA). I’ll post more about it later today, but I think it needs its own post.

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Dumb Parody Ideas at FuMPFest 2024


FuMPFest is a funny music festival put on by the Funny Music Project, which I had never attended in-person because it’s not worth travelling from Austria to the USA for just a weekend. But now that I live in the USA, I finally got to go! It was put on as part of Con on the Cob, and was quite similar to the comedy music track at MarsCon (also run by people from The FuMP), which I have been to a few times when it happened to be a week out from JoCo Cruise. Both are approximately the same friendly group of comedy musicians and comedy music fans, having a small comedy music festival while surrounded by a larger convention.

One thing that happens at FuMPFest is the Dumb Parody Ideas contest, where people sing a few lines (up to 90 seconds per idea) of dubious song parodies. I had a few ideas for this years ago (I have a note with the lyrics from 2021), but never had a chance to enter… until now! The first one is a parody of Losing My Religion, by REM, inspired by the six and a half years of regular FaceTime calls with Joey while we were still living on separate continents:

Lyrics:
That’s me in the corner.
That’s me in the FaceTime, losing my connection.

The background is a screenshot I took while losing my connection in a real FaceTime call with Joey. The me in the corner was added in post, a little larger than the actual size of the inset which would have me in it. Joey’s playing ukulele offscreen.

The other parody idea I had was of Enya’s ‘Only Time’, which (like most things), Joey sings better than I could. We recorded a video of it before FuMPFest, because the only Dumb Parody Ideas panel I’d seen was at an online-only version of the con in 2020, so I wasn’t sure whether people would be doing them live for this one. The first take was pretty hilariously bad, setting us up to laugh through some of the later takes, so here’s the video with out-takes.

Lyrics:
Who can say where the road goes?
Where the day flows?
Google Maps.

In the end Joey did perform it live, followed by another dumb parody idea that Joey came up with on the day. A few hours before this panel, Devo Spice showed a short horror film which featured the song (of anonymous authorship) ‘I Sh💩t More in the Summer’. Joey parodied it with the things we do more at FuMPFest, taking inspiration from the FuMPFest bingo cards we were given.


Lyrics:
We chant COG! more at FuMPFest
than we do at any other time of year.
We yell ‘moisture!’ [more] at FuMPFest
than we do at any other time of year.
Eat from a food truck
“Corned beef and Cabbage”
Tune a guitar on stage
We all stall more at FuMPFest
than we do at any other… …stalling for time of year!

Both Losing My Connection and Google Maps were finalists in the competition, though we didn’t win the coveted golden spatula. Surprisingly, Joey’s last-minute parody was not nominated, despite the more developed lyrics and clear pandering to that specific audience.

Overall, we had a great time at FuMPFest. It was all streamed live on The FuMP’s Twitch channel, and at least for now, there are archives of the shows available there.

The next big thing on my calendar, which also includes song parodies and can be attended virtually, is the MathsJam Annual Gathering.

As promised in my last post, I put my new macOS app on TestFlight, and have already fixed some issues that were pointed out. It’s the app that made the chart of days that Joey and I have been together in person. It could be used to chart anything where you can summarise each day with a few colours or emoji — long-distance relationships, travel, moods, daily progress towards goals, the timeline of a novel you’re writing, weather, etc. If you’re interested in trying it, let me know somehow and I’ll add you to the list of testers. Otherwise, watch this space and get it when I release it some day soon.

When I’m not going to conventions, working on apps, and trying to convince various internet companies that I live here, I am still looking for a day job. Let me know if you know anyone who would like to hire me.

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I swam halfway across the Atlantic Ocean, and now I live in the USA


I keep thinking I shouldn’t post here until I’ve processed more of my photos and videos, updated my apps so I’ll look better for potential future employers, etc, but if I did that, the post would be absurdly long and late. This situation is of course fractal — I keep thinking I shouldn’t release my apps until I’ve fixed all those bugs, got everything working in VoiceOver, etc., but if I did that (as I have, many times in the past) the apps would simply never get released.

So, today I’ll write a blog post, and tomorrow I’ll either put my new macOS app on TestFlight, or submit new versions of NastyWriter and NiceWriter (which don’t work very well in the latest iOS, and also will fail to show ads because I’m halfway through moving my ad accounts to a new country.) Bug me if I don’t, and let me know if you want to test the apps. I should decide which one to release already so that I can focus on one thing at a time, but right now I’m focussing on writing this blog post, not on deciding which apps I can realistically get ready. See what I did there?

First things third: I made it to my new home in the Seattle area! I’m busy se(a)ttling in, changing all my online accounts to the new country (I’ll write a separate post about which hoops have to be jumped through for which accounts), and casually looking for work.

My lovely husband Joey Marianer came to Vienna to help with the moving, and many of my friends helped by taking my furniture and other things I didn’t need to keep. Then Joey and I took a train to Hamburg, the Queen Mary 2 ocean liner to New York City, and a road trip to our home in the Seattle area. It was of course in a pool on the Queen Mary 2 that I swam while we were halfway across the ocean.

Here’s a chart of all the days Joey and I have known each other, with appropriate emojis for the days we were together in person, and black squares for the days we weren’t. It was made by the aforementioned new app, which I started writing in an airport lounge one time when Joey’s flight left several hours before mine. This chart ends on September 6, 2024, because that way it would make a nice 49×56 rectangle. It also shows our first 256 days together, which is a nice round number in binary.

A 49x56 grid, mostly full of black squares, but with some pale pink squares with various country flags, ship, train, and car emoji. There is also a ring emoji and a church emoji.

I’d never been to New York City before, so (after the no-longer-obligatory trip to Ellis Island the day I immigrated) we stayed for a few days before continuing. High on our list was visiting MoMath, the National Museum of Mathematics. I have a few videos from that, but here’s the one I’ve uploaded, of Joey riding a square-wheeled tricycle on a circular track made of inverted catenary curves:

Also in New York, we visited Liberty Island, Central Park, the Oculus, a few Sabrett’s hot dog stands, an annex of the Transit Museum, and the Apple Store on 5th avenue. I tried a rainbow bagel, some poorly-configured hot dogs (a friend from New York had recommended a particular combination of toppings, which neither stand gave us), and an Apple Vision Pro — I’d tried a friend’s one before, but without corrective lenses.

On the way home we stopped to meet friends in Toledo, Chicago, and Minneapolis. We visited Tony Packo’s (which has a large collection of autographed hot dog buns), Portillo’s (which has trays with deep recesses for cups, making it much easier to carry drinks around), American Science and Surplus (which has amusing signs and muzak) and the Minnesota State Fair (which has food on a stick).

Here’s a playlist of videos and podcasts that Joey and I showed each other because of things we saw during the trip:

There’s obviously a lot more to say and show about all of this, but I have to go finish some apps, so here’s a picture of the Statue of Liberty that I took from the Queen Mary 2 (previously posted on X and mathstodon).

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My year is only going to get weirder, so I’d better fill you in.


A lot has happened so far this year, and a lot more is about to happen. I have pics, so it did happen. TL; DR: I saw K’s Choice again, went to CERN again, went on the JoCo Cruise again, and will be moving to the USA in August. Just read the blue ‘Visa news’ section and the August part if you want to know how the US visa process went.

January: K’s Choice in Gent

🇺🇸Visa news
In mid-January, I got an email that began ‘Thank you for being a valued U.S. Consular Electronic Application Center (CEAC) customer.’ indicating that I’d finally got past step 1 of the 12-step program for me to quit Austria and go move in with the lovely Joey Marianer in the USA. Thus began a new phase of filling in forms and collecting documents.

On January 26, I went to Gent to see K’s Choice, one of the bands I have seen a fair bit at various places in Europe. I hadn’t them them since they were last in Vienna in 2017, so I missed them. A friend I know from JoCo fandom had suggested we go together. Unfortunately, she was too sick to go, but I did reconnect with someone I met at my very first K’s Choice concert, in Hamont-Achel in 2009.

Sam Bettens, the lead singer of K’s Choice, recently published a book which described (among many other things) his experience of moving to the USA to be with a spouse, as I am about to do. Even though the marriage didn’t work out, living in the USA did, so that was comforting to read about, as I mentioned to him after the show. I had too many things I wanted to say in a short time, and was a little flustered, so I forgot to ask for permission to post videos of the show, but they’ve always given it in the past, so here you go:

February: CERN Third Collisions

🇺🇸Visa news
In early February, I was notified that my Immigrant Visa Case had become Documentarily Qualified, meaning I’d completed step 9 of the process and just had to wait for my interview to be scheduled.

From 9–11 February, CERN had an event called Third Collisions, where CERN alumni could socialise, see some talks, and visit the new Science Gateway exhibits and the LHC experiments underground. I visited ALICE, because it was the only one of the four main detectors that I wasn’t 100% sure I’d seen before.

I haven’t put too much from the CERN visit online yet, but here’s a playlist where I will add videos:

Among other things, the Science Gateway had this tactile model of a particle detector, with an audio description to guide the visitor in feeling around the different parts of it. The various parts of the detector were differentiated with high-contrast colours and textures. Before visiting the Science Gateway, I happened to talk to someone who was involved in developing this; they had many ideas and prototypes for ways to explain particle detectors to blind and low-vision folk, and a lot of feedback from such people, and this is the only finished product that ended up in the exhibit.

Ironically, since I’m editing this post on my iPad, I can’t figure how to add alt text to this picture, but I think the audio description does a better job than I would have.

When I arrived in Vienna ten years ago, I assumed that I would soon forget French to learn German, so I did the DALF C1 exam to have proof that I once knew French. When I arrived in Geneva and had a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop, I realised I neither forgot French nor learned German — it was still so much easier to communicate in French. I did not make the most of this opportunity to learn German. This is partially because of circumstances (having to stop in the middle of four different B1-level German courses for different reasons, spending most of a year in NZ, and another few years hardly going outside due to the pandemic) but mostly because I didn’t put as much effort in. Or at least I didn’t listen to as many podcasts or read as many books in the language. Oh well; my level of German might still impress people in America.

March: JoCo Cruise (and a little MarsCon)

I shouldn’t need to tell you what JoCo Cruise is again. It’s where I met Joey, and thus, ultimately the reason I’m moving to the States. Joey and I stayed in Minnesota for a bit before this year’s cruise, because the flights from there to the cruise were more convenient, and it also gave us a chance to hang out with people we know from the MarsCon Comedy Music Track. As is often the case, MarsCon was on the same weekend as the start of the cruise, so we didn’t get to go, but at least we got to see people who arrived early.

We also saw a Jonathan Coulton and Aimee Mann concert with some friends from MarsCon and the cruise. At the show they mentioned, but did not play, a song Aimee Mann wrote based on a ChatGPT-generated title of a typical Jonathan Coulton song, ‘The Ballad of Captain Quark’. As someone who’s quite interested in quarks, I mentioned to JoCo on the cruise that I’d like to see it, and Aimee sang it at the final concert. Simalot posted video from the red team show and b$ shot this video of it on my camera in the gold team show.

Here is a playlist of the 25 hours, 5 minutes, and 17 seconds of unique JoCo Cruise 2024 footage captured by my cameras (some filmed by Joey on my second camera while I was at other events, some filmed by b$ while I was isolating in the cabin.)

🇺🇸Visa news
On the second-to-last day of JoCo Cruise, while Joey and I were holed up in our cabin getting over whatever lurgy we had caught (Joey tested negative for COVID, but it was an antigen test that didn’t come with instructions, so who knows?) we heard that my immigrant visa interview had been scheduled, which is to say, we’d reached step 10 of the immigration process.

April: US Visa Issued

Okay, I don’t have a video of this, but unless you’re an immigration officer working at the Port of New York and New Jersey in August, you’re not the people I have to prove it to. I heard that my visa was granted almost exactly 24 hours after leaving the visa interview (where they’d already told me I met the requirements, so it was not an agonising wait.) I then picked up my passport with the visa in it during my lunch break the next day.

I have six months from the date of issue to enter the country, at which point they will validate the visa and it will be good for a year, during which time I will receive an actual green card in the mail which will be valid for longer.

I then gave notice at my job and my apartment and figured out a moving company. Joey flew to Vienna not long ago, to help me with moving and then take me home. I am not keeping any of my furniture, so if you’re in Vienna and want some tables, bookcases, or other kinds of shelving or storage, let me know. Most of it has been claimed by now, though.

August: Moving to the USA

Joey and I will take the Queen Mary 2 from Hamburg to New York City, because that seemed like a sufficiently ridiculous way for me to immigrate. In NYC we plan to at least visit Ellis Island (it seems appropriate to do that after immigrating by sea) MoMath, Central Park (mainly because I love the Apple TV+ show by that name), 826NYC, and maybe Club Cumming, if JoCo Cruise 2024 and 2025 guest Daphne Always will be performing there. If you have any other suggestions on what to see in NYC, let me know! We haven’t decided yet when or how we’ll get from there to Joey’s place in the Seattle area.

After that, we’ll likely go to FuMPFest at Con on the Cob in October and MathsJam Annual Gathering (back on this side of the pond) in November, but the future hasn’t been written yet!

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We did a Christmas


I’m visiting Joey Marianer for Christmas, so we sang a slowed-down cover of a Worm Quartet song, as Joey is wont to do.

Worm Quartet is also known as Timothy F. Crist, so we wished everyone a merry Timothy F. Cristmas at the end. I hope you had one of those, whatever it means. I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t celebrate such a talented comedy musician.

I did actually try some of that eggnog (‘milk that have a alcohol and then we put a egg’ except that this one didn’t have a alcohol.) The few times I’ve had eggnog before, I’ve thought that the alcohol ruined what could have been a very nice drink, so I was excited to try some non-alcoholic eggnog. Not only that, but I tried it mixed with orange soda, as recommended on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I really like it both ways! It’s also good with orange juice.

In unrelated news, we went to the MathsJam Annual Gathering, where Joey gave a talk on the true prisoner’s dilemma, and at MathsJam Jam we sang Symmetry and Seven Bridges (of Königsberg) Road. Ben Sparks taught everyone the harmonies for the Eagles version of Seven Bridges Road to sing Seven Bridges (of Königsberg) Road, and it was fantastic.

We didn’t sing This Tiling Never Repeats, because nobody (not even me) knew the music well enough. But on the Saturday of MathsJam, Joey and I wore Cirque du So What ‘I Want TILE!’ shirts, and I did in fact come away with a few handfuls of 3D-printed spectre aperiodic monotiles. Surprisingly, there were no aperiodic monotile shaped baked goods in the MathsJam BakeOff.

A whole lot of plastic tiles, all in the same complex, curvy shape, tiled together. They fit together in a way that doesn't allow the pattern to repeat.

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This Tiling Never Repeats (Split Enz parody)


I mentioned in a previous post that I was working on a parody of History Never Repeats, by Split Enz, about the aperiodic monotiles that have been found recently. I’ve finished it, so here are the lyrics:

This tiling never repeats
Unending plane the kite and dart complete
We wish to show we can improve
We may assume, there’s always more to prove
It was the best we used to know
From David Smith, a savage blow
Penrose is great, but now we sing
A monotile beats his tiling!
This tiling never repeats
But some might say, reflected tiles are cheats
We wish to show we can improve
We may assume, there’s always more to prove
You say we’ve all been played for fools
We can’t reflect, if that’s the rule
Better to work than make dispute
They made a change and now it’s moot
This tiling never repeats
There’s not a need the Spectre doesn’t meet
And there’s a way to make more and more
Leading us to a space we can explore
This tiling never repeats, this tiling never repeats
Infinite shapes, just turn the dials
Aperiodic monotiles
Pick one and all the plane is spanned  
We think at last we understand
This tiling never repeats
A manifold with manifold defeats
And there’s a way to make more and more
Leading us to a space we can explore
Never repeats!
Never repeats!
Never repeats!

This joins Symmetry and Seven Bridges (of Königsberg) Road in Joey’s and my submissions for this year’s MathsJamJam. Joey Marianer (yes, the one that I’ve somehow ended up married to!) also sang (and sent for inclusion in the Jam) Polygon Pam, a parody of The Beatles’ Polythene Pam written by Chella Quint:

I look forward to seeing Joey at MathsJam (and then Chella afterwards) and singing them together! I also look forward to eating some aperiodic monotile confections which will inevitably be baked for the MathsJam BakeOff.

I mentioned in a different post that Joey had been working on some cover songs which I was excited to share. The one I was most excited about is a slow cover of Entire Dog by Worm Quartet. It lasts almost twice as long as the rather frenetic original, and Joey initially sang it this way completely off-the-cuff one day over FaceTime. After a few slight revisions, I declared it was so good it should be stolen and used on Glee. But Joey kept singing it to me and making it even better.

If you think Joey made a mistake with some SI prefixes, read the video description. To really tie the post together, here’s a slow cover of a frenetic Worm Quartet song that also mentions math — and other kinds of multiplication… let’s just say it’s NSFW — Tired Of Not:

Both of these songs are on Worm Quartet’s new album, Carpe Tedium, which I highly recommend. Joey has been practising genre-benring covers of several more tracks from it, too.

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The “The Captain’s Wife’s Lament” Lament, and Seven Bridges (of Königsberg) Road


About a week ago, me hearty Joey Marianer recorded three songs (two of which I wrote) while I slept! I meant to post about them on Talk Like a Pirate Day, but ended up not being home all day. Nonetheless, I’ll start with the pirate shanty. This might not make much sense to you if you’re not familiar with Paul and Storm; it’s a parody of one of their songs, about the lengthy live performances of another of their songs, which would be less than three minutes if they had a few other singers keeping them in line.

Storm DiCostanzo, please sing, and sing faster!
You’re not going to get any younger, you know.
Hey, Paul Sabourin, we’re growing impatient,
And you’ve still got most of the song left to go,
so come on Storm, spit it out.

I curse the day that these guys ever wrote this —
a joke about seamen that’s not hard to get.
How could I know that their seed would get into
my hair and my craw and two thirds of the set

Now three lines in, and I arrr with the masses,
Dejected, excited, and counting to pi.
And I have to admit, if you’d ask to continue
my bladder says ‘no’ but my mouth says ‘aye-aye!’

Why does every new verse of your song
Keep taking you so goddamn long?

Storm DiCostanzo, please sing, and sing faster!
Enough with the jokes that we don’t understand.
I need to pee and it’s no longer funny.
Yes, that’s your R Kelly goddamn cover band.
So come on Paul, spit it out.

Eighty-six seconds for all Lehrer’s Elements,
One Week’s three minutes and Yesterday’s two.
Cohen wrote hundreds of draft Hallelujahs
but won’t subject crowds to much more than a few.
You’re not our bitches, you’re not the CD,
and we don’t mean to tell you you do your job wrong,
but please bear in mind, in the time that you’ve had
Mister Boggia churned out thirty-five Beatles songs. [actually 25]
And if you keep singing so slow,
you’ll hold up the closing band’s show!

[extract from Nobody Loves You Like Me, by Paul and Storm’s usual closing band, Jonathan Coulton]
Here at the bar who cares what I do
I’m all alone but I’m drinking for two
Drowning the man that I used to be
Nobody loves you like me

Hey, Paul Sabourin, please sing, and sing faster,
though we won’t stop arrring till long past the show.
Crap out the verses, and Storm, while he’s at it,
your G-string is tuned half a Boggia too low.
So come, yes come…

Hey Paul and Storm, please just sing, and sing faster
Don’t hold back your seamen, please spit it all out.

Mister Boggia is Jim Boggia, who is known not only for his original songs and Beatles covers, but also for having perfect pitch and being very good at tuning. The ‘Boggia’ mentioned at the end is a unit of measurement defined on JoCo Cruise 2015 as “the smallest unit of tuning perceptible only to Jim Boggia”.

The other song of mine that Joey sang is Seven Bridges (of Königsberg) Road, which I mentioned in my last post:

Joey sang it based on Steve Young’s original version, rather than the Jonathan Coulton, Paul and Storm, and Sara Watkins version that I’m familiar with. Joey is wearing a T-shirt printed with the cover of my poetry album Wake Up Gasping. The album cover is by CamannWordsmith, who makes several of the major art food groups.

The other song Joey recorded that night was a parody of ‘You’ll be back’ from the musical Hamilton, from the perspective of GlaDOS from the game Portal. It was written by Brian Young, whom I knew from the olden days of the JoCo forums (which I am surprised to see are still up), and we both know from the JoCo Cruise.

The wardrobe and impetus to learn the tune was provided by our friend Chella Quint (who is usually more into menarche than monarchy) for an unrelated project which will forever be a mystery to you, but you should check out her work on menstruation (which should not be a mystery) because it’s bloody good.

That’s all for now, but Joey is working on some incredible cover versions of songs which I look forward to sharing.

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A few mathematical numbers


My last post had Joey Marianer (to whom I was flabbergasted to be married) singing some lyrics I wrote, and mentioned that we would soon be at the MathsJam Annual Gathering, and that I’d uploaded all my JoCo Cruise footage for that year. Well, in my aperiodic compiling of blog entries, I have reached a familiar local pattern. Joey (to whom I am still gobsmacked to be married) has sung more lyrics I wrote, we are once again planning to go to the MathsJam Annual Gathering, and I have uploaded all my JoCo Cruise footage for 2023.

A Cake of Sets

At my first MathsJam Annual Gathering, I gave a talk involving one poem I wrote and several that I found. At the 2019 Gathering, Joey and I participated in the competition competition with a Hallelujah competition. At last year’s Gathering, we added some set theory to the Bakeoff with this (cheese(cheesecake)cake) Venn diagram:

An edible Venn diagram consisting of most of a circle of cheese on the left, most of a circle of chocolate cake on the right, with a lens shape of cheesecake where they intersect.

It was mentioned in this excellent summary TikTok by Ayliean!

We assembled it on-site from store-bought cheese, cake, and cheesecake. What with travelling internationally to MathsJam, it would have been impractical to (cheesemake(cheesebake)bake) it ourselves.

A Set of Songs

At this year’s MathsJam, we will add to the set list of the MathsJam Jam.

Symmetry

To start with, we noted an existing theme of symmetric relations in the lyrics of The Beatles’ song ‘All You Need is Love’ and made it explicit. Here’s Joey singing our parody, Symmetry:

Here are the lyrics:

Symmetry!
Symmetry!
Symmetry!

There’s nothing that is x that x is not
No ex where you’re not an ex they’ve got
The symmetry says that the relation goes both ways
It’s easy!

If you’re my sibling, I’m your sibling too
You’re married to me and I to you
Each of these relations is the same as its converse
It’s easy!

x relates to y
x relates to y
x relates to y, why? ’cause y relates to x

If one real number’s greater than the other
Or maybe I’m your son and you’re my mother
Such relations exist, but symmetric ones top our list
They’re easier

When x relates to y
x relates to y
x relates to y and y relates to x

x relates to y
x relates to y
x relates to y, why? ’cause y relates to x

Seven Bridges (of Königsberg) Road

I’ve also written a first draft of a parody of the Steve Young song ‘Seven Bridges Road‘ about the Seven Bridges of Königsberg. Joey hasn’t sung this one, but I intend to enter it into the MathsJam Jam songbook (where there is already a parody of ‘Lola’ about the same topic.) Here are the lyrics:

There are rivers in Königsberg
Cross them as you go
Don’t forget one and don’t you repeat
On the Seven Bridges Road
Now each land mass must have odd or even
Bridges to and fro
Arrive but don’t leave in the same way
And Euler’s work did show
Sometimes there’s an odd one out
How to turn from there and go?
No way for a path with these few rules
Down the Seven Bridges Road
There are rivers in Königsberg
And if ever you decide you should go
There is a way by backtracking only
Down the Seven Bridges Road

Note, this is purely based on the way Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm sing Seven Bridges Road when they’re not pretending to be tone-deaf. If other artists sing it differently, the prosody might not work out as well.

This Tiling Never Repeats (in progress)

I’m also working on a parody of History Never Repeats by Split Enz called This Tiling Never Repeats, about the recently discovered aperiodic monotiles, which I am sure will be a big feature of this year’s MathsJam. I expect there to be at least three sets of aperiodic monotile cookies entered in the Bakeoff. I’ve only just started with this parody, but figured I’d mention it in case anyone wants to give me ideas for it, encourage me to finish it, or even write their own. I don’t mind who writes it as long as it exists and is sung at MathsJam.

A Song of Cakes

This section title is just for completeness, and because I needed something to separate the last song from the outro. I know too many songs about cakes to pick one.

As many people contemplate the value of X, I’ve created an account at what is obviously the best-named Mastodon server, Mathstodon. Feel free to follow me there! I don’t know yet how frequently I will post on it and/or my Twitter profile, but at least now you know where to find me if you’re on those networks.

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