The Old Dopamine Peddler

This is inspired by what Hank Green said about picking the right addiction just after singing about Tetris on JoCo Cruise Crazy 4. Appropriately, it can be sung to the Tetris tune (a.k.a. Korobeiniki, meaning Peddlers) though it is modeled more closely on Kobi LaCroix’s ‘The Peddler: A Half-Assed Translation’ than on any other version.

Open your mind and I know you will find that its system’s designed for times of rest.
You must know there are places you go when the throes of adulthood get you stressed.

Tics of our mental relief, incrementally pouring cement in between life’s bricks.
Kicks you spurn, they protect you from burnout, without them we’d turn out lunatics.

Drugs, TV or Tetris fun.
Learn, create, or get this done.

When willpower fails you, addiction assails you, and sometimes it ails you but there’s a way
to decide which addiction will guide you; when will won’t provide, you have a say.

Low-power moments with something to show for them, that’s how a grown-up can function well.
Something easy that won’t just delete, so it slowly accretes your world’s oyster shell.

Flappy Bird will do you wrong.
Add more words to parody song.

Not films of Fluffy, watch How To Make Stuff, and make making the puff you’re addicted to.
When at rest, read of skills that impressed, and you will find the best are afflicted too.

New bricks are falling; you can’t fit it all in; you may drop the ball into yawning gaps.
Do it too much, you won’t get to do much, but don’t over-rue such a paltry lapse.

Climb this twelve-step staircase to
time that will no longer waste you.

Post a creation of procrastination,¬† you’ll find validation to keep you keen.
Reinforce, don’t forget to be awesome, endorse with the force of dopamine.


(Reinforce, don’t forget to be awesome, of course that’s endorsed by the brothers Green.)

Hello, my name is Angela Brett, and I am addicted to rhymes. (You killed my Fezzik, pre-pair two primes?)

I came up with the idea for this, and promptly wrote about half of it, while I was writing the blog post about my JCCC4 open mic performance. I played with it a little yesterday morning before Back to the Future Song took over my brain, and finished it off this morning. This is a really fun tune to write words for; it may turn out to be addictive. At any rate, it’s an earworm, and I hope that when you hear it, either from Tetris or in your head, you’ll rethink the addictions you picked; I predict you can stick to a stricter victory inflicter.

The title of this (for now) is a reference to Tom Lehrer’s ‘The Old Dope Peddler‘ and the fact that the tune is known as ‘The Peddler’. Apparently the words ‘dope’ and ‘dopamine’ are not etymologically related. The last line (or the last two, if you count the parenthetical one) refers to Hank and John Green’s catchphrase and record label, Don’t Forget to be Awesome. And of course there’s a Russian reversal in there, since it’s a Russian tune.

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