Archive for April, 2019

Unintentional Haiku in the Mueller Report


Everyone’s talking about this Report on the Investigation into Russian Interference in the 2016 Presidential Election, so I dusted off Haiku Detector and looked for interesting haiku in it. A friend pointed me to a text version, though it’s not ideal for finding haiku; it has many superfluous hard line breaks, missing or superfluous spaces, and so on, which make it harder for Haiku Detector to tell where words and sentences end. There were also page and footnote numbers included in the text. Eventually perhaps I’ll read through it and clean those things up. Haiku Detector found 105 ‘haiku’ in 18752 ‘sentences’.

There were, of course, several similar to this:

Harm to Ongoing
Matter 26 Harm to
Ongoing Matter

of which I think this is my favourite:

Harm to Ongoing
Matter – H a r m to
Ongoing Matter

Some headings formed haiku:

P . 6(e) 7.
Interactions and Contacts
with the Trump Campaign

Other Potential
Campaign Interest in Russian
Hacked Materials

Others which seemed to make sense and stop at actual sentence or at least clause boundaries were:

They are talking to
us. -It is a lot of risk. –
Office of Putin.

“If you have any
questions, I will be happy
to help contact him.”

“We understand all
of the sensitivities and
are not in a rush.”

We also sought a
voluntary interview
with the President.

It’s all because you
recused. AG is supposed to
be most important

He’s a showboater.
He’s a grandstander. I don’t
know any Russians.

you know, this Russia
thing with Trump and Russia is
a made-up story.

But I feel so-I
tell you, I feel a little
badly about it.

“I don’t want to talk
about that. No, I don’t want
to talk about that.”

The president has
issued no pardons in this
investigation.

President said, “I
don’t talk about that now. I
don’t talk about that.”

“Manafort really
appreciates the support
of President Trump.”

“Paul Manafort’s a
good man” and “it’s a very
sad thing that happened.”

The Supreme Court has
applied that clear-statement rule
in several cases.

No statutory
term could easily bear that
specialized meaning.

I understand these
documents already have
been produced to you.

Some were just amusingly surreal because of artefacts in the text:

113
Corney recalled he did not
114

This is the worst thing
that ever happened to me.
“508

815
The President responded,
“I never said that.”

If you imagine that’s the real end of the sentence, and slang for ‘get out!’, it sort of makes sense:

Not telling you to
do anything. Dershowitz
says POTUS can get

I haven’t read the report, nor am I likely to know enough about the surrounding events and characters to fully understand it (nor would I be able to do much about it if I did, not having the right to vote anywhere), but maybe these pseudorandom pseudopoetic snippets will bring some comic relief for those who have. Perhaps I’ll run it through NastyWriter next.

, , , , , , ,

Leave a comment

My Performances on JoCo Cruise 2019


I’ve been going to JoCo Cruise since it started in 2011, and this year I finally had the nerve and organisation (okay, so actually Phil organised it) to take part in running a shadow event. What with this and MarsCon, apparently 2019 is my year for getting on stage at events I’ve long frequented.

There are many official celebrity guests on JoCo Cruise, but anyone can request a space and time to host their own events, whether concerts, crafting workshops, jam sessions, locksports seminars, hydrating face mask parties, PGP signing parties, space dog slideshows, scotch or foreign snack tastings, meetups of people who are various flavours of non-heteronormative, religious, merfolk, impaired, purple-haired, or scientists, or just a session of yelling at the moon. All of these things are real events that happened this year. This ‘shadow’ cruise, as it’s called, took up 292 of the 605 hours of programming.

My little corner of that was Angela Brett & Phil Conrad with Friends, later referred to as the ‘Hastily Assembled Entertainment Taco’, after the official event ‘Hastily Assembled Entertainment Burrito‘. The friends involved included Randy Parcel on vocals, Ryan Nathan on drums, Joey Marianer on vocals and ukulele, and Jeff Kahan on oboe. You can see the full show in the YouTube playlist below, or read on as I self-indulgently embed the specific parts I had a hand in, along with a few others from the open mic night.

Read the rest of this entry »

, , , , , , , ,

Leave a comment

%d bloggers like this: