Posts Tagged NastyWriter

NiceWriter: Artificially sweeten your text


Hello, pure world! 🥰

I’m a reputable app for distinguished iOS that puts positive adjectives before innocent nouns. My magical twin, NastyWriter, likes to add venerable insults to badass text, but I’d rather spread some peachy love. We’re not amusing enemies; rather, we’re complementary apps… it’s just that I’m also complimentary. 

Check me out on the tender App Store! I’m complimentary, supported by elegant ads, which you can remove with an in-app purchase. I hope I can make your finest day even better, and your mighty love notes sweeter. 

Lots of joyous love! 😊

complimentary adjectives by NiceWriter
NiceWriter introducing itself on Twitter

A few years ago I noticed a linguistic habit of Twitter user Donald Trump, and decided to emulate it by writing an app that automatically adds insults before nouns — NastyWriter. But he’s not on Twitter any more, and Valentine’s Day is coming up, so it’s time to make things nicer instead.

My new iOS app, NiceWriter, automatically adds positive adjectives, highlighted in pink, before the nouns in any text entered. Most features are the same as in NastyWriter:

  • You can use the contextual menu or the toolbar to change or remove any adjectives that don’t fit the context.
  • You can share the sweetened text as an image similar to the one in this post.
  • You can set up the ‘Give Me a Compliment’ Siri Shortcut to ask for a random compliment at any time, or create a shortcut to add compliments to text you’ve entered previously. You can even use the Niceify shortcut in the Shortcuts app to add compliments to text that comes from another Siri action.
  • If you copy and paste text between NiceWriter and NastyWriter, the app you paste into will replace the automatically-generated adjectives with its own, and remember which nouns you removed the adjectives from.

The app is free to download, and will show ads unless you buy an in-app purchase to remove them. I’ve made NiceWriter available to run on M1 Macs as well, though I don’t have one to test it on, so I can’t guarantee it will work well.

I’ll post occasional Niceified text on the NastyWriter Tumblr, and the @NiceWriterApp Twitter.

NastyWriter 2.1

In the process of creating NiceWriter, I made a few improvements to NastyWriter — notably adding input and output parameters to its Siri Shortcut so you can set up a workflow to nastify the results of other Siri Shortcuts, and then pass them on to other actions. I also added four new insults, and fixed a few bugs. All of these changes are in NastyWriter 2.1.

That’s all you really need to know, but for more details on how I chose the adjectives for NiceWriter and what I plan to do next, read on.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Top 35 Adjectives Twitter user @realdonaldtrump uses before nouns


Edit: As of 8 January, 2021, @realdonaldtrump is no longer a Twitter user, but he was at the time of this post.

Version 2.0.1 of my iOS app NastyWriter has 184 different insults (plus two extra special secret non-insults that appear rarely for people who’ve paid to remove ads 🤫) which it can automatically add before nouns in the text you enter. “But Angela,” I hear you not asking, “you’re so incredibly nice! How could you possibly come up with 184 distinct insults?” and I have to admit, while I’ve been known to rap on occasion, I have not in fact been studying the Art of the Diss — I have a secret source. (This is a bonus joke for people with non-rhotic accents.)

My secret source is the Trump Twitter Archive. Since NastyWriter is all about adding gratuitous insults immediately before nouns, which Twitter user @realdonaldtrump is such a dab hand at, I got almost all of the insults from there. But I couldn’t stand to read it all myself, so I wrote a Mac app to go through all of the tweets and find every word that seemed to be an adjective immediately before a noun. I used NSLinguisticTagger, because the new Natural Language framework did not exist when I first wrote it.

Natural language processing is not 100% accurate, because language is complicated — indeed, the app thought ‘RT’, ‘bit.ly’, and a lot of twitter @usernames (most commonly @ApprenticeNBC) and hashtags were adjectives, and the usernames and hashtags were indeed used as adjectives (usually noun adjuncts) e.g. in ‘@USDOT funding’. One surprising supposed adjective was ‘gsfsgh2kpc’, which was in a shortened URL mentioned 16 times, to a site which Amazon CloudFront blocks access to from my country.

For each purported adjective the app found, I had a look at how it was used before adding it to NastyWriter’s insult collection. Was it really an adjective used before a noun? Was it used as an insult? Was it gratuitous? Were there any other words it was commonly paired with, making a more complex insult such as ‘totally conflicted and discredited’, or ‘frumpy and very dumb’? Was it often in allcaps or otherwise capitalised in a specific way?

But let’s say we don’t care too much about that and just want to know roughly which adjectives he used the most. Can you guess which is the most common adjective found before a noun? I’ll give you a hint: he uses it a lot in other parts of sentences too. Here are the top 35 as of 6 November 2020:

  1. ‘great’ appears 4402 times
  2. ‘big’ appears 1351 times
  3. ‘good’ appears 1105 times
  4. ‘new’ appears 1034 times
  5. ‘many’ appears 980 times
  6. ‘last’ appears 809 times
  7. ‘best’ appears 724 times
  8. ‘other’ appears 719 times
  9. ‘fake’ appears 686 times
  10. ‘American’ appears 592 times
  11. ‘real’ appears 510 times
  12. ‘total’ appears 509 times
  13. ‘bad’ appears 466 times
  14. ‘first’ appears 438 times
  15. ‘next’ appears 407 times
  16. ‘wonderful’ appears 375 times
  17. ‘amazing’ appears 354 times
  18. ‘only’ appears 325 times
  19. ‘political’ appears 310 times
  20. ‘beautiful’ appears 298 times
  21. ‘fantastic’ appears 279 times
  22. ‘tremendous’ appears 270 times
  23. ‘massive’ appears 268 times
  24. ‘illegal’ appears 254 times
  25. ‘incredible’ appears 254 times
  26. ‘nice’ appears 251 times
  27. ‘strong’ appears 250 times
  28. ‘greatest’ appears 248 times
  29. ‘true’ appears 247 times
  30. ‘major’ appears 243 times
  31. ‘same’ appears 236 times
  32. ‘terrible’ appears 231 times
  33. ‘presidential’ appears 221 times
  34. ‘much’ appears 217 times
  35. ‘long’ appears 215 times

So as you can see, he doesn’t only insult. The first negative word, ‘fake’, is only the ninth most common, though more common than its antonyms ‘real’ and ‘true’, if they’re taken separately (‘false’ is in 72nd position, with 102 uses before nouns, while ‘genuine’ has only four uses.) And ‘illegal’ only slightly outdoes ‘nice’.

He also talks about American things a lot, which is not surprising given his location. ‘Russian’ comes in 111st place, with 62 uses, so about a tenth as many as ‘American’. As far as country adjectives go, ‘Iranian’ is next with 40 uses before nouns, then ‘Mexican’ with 39, and ‘Chinese’ with 37. ‘Islamic’ has 33. ‘Jewish’ and ‘White’ each have 27 uses as adjectives before nouns, though the latter is almost always describing a house rather than people. The next unequivocally racial (i.e. referring to a group of people rather than a specific region) adjective is ‘Hispanic’, with 25. I’m not an expert on what’s unequivocally racial, but I can tell you that ‘racial’ itself has nine adjectival uses before nouns, and ‘racist’ has three.

But Angela,” I hear you not asking, “why are you showing us a list of words and numbers? Didn’t you just make an audiovisual word cloud generator a few months ago?” and the answer is, yes, indeed, I did make a word cloud generator that makes visual and audio word clouds, So here is an audiovisual word cloud of all the adjectives found at least twice before nouns in tweets by @realdonaldtrump in The Trump Twitter Archive, with Twitter usernames filtered out even if they are used as adjectives. More common words are larger and louder. Words are panned left or right so they can be more easily distinguished, so this is best heard in stereo.

There are some nouns in there, but they are only counted when used as attributive nouns to modify other nouns, e.g. ‘NATO countries’, or ‘ObamaCare website’.

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NastyWriter 2.0.1


I suggest adding a ‘Help, I read the news!’ shortcut which responds with a nastified version of ‘The news is just a stream of bits wafting through you with no effect, like neutrinos through the Earth. Go look at pictures of cats to improve your life.’

I came upon a secret stash of free time, so I finally put finishing touches on the Siri Shortcuts I’d added to NastyWriter, made the app work properly in Dark Mode, added the latest gratuitous insults harvested from Twitter (I’ll write another post about how I did that), and released it. Then somebody pointed out something that still didn’t work in Dark Mode, so I fixed that and a few related things, and released it again. Thus NastyWriter’s version number (2.0.1) is the reverse of what it was before (1.0.2.)

The obstructionist news is just an overrated stream of angry and conflicted bits wafting through you with no unreliable effect, like baseless neutrinos through the very misguided Earth. Go look at filthy pictures of rigged cats to improve your bird-killing life.
A response to the ‘Oh no, I read the news!’ shortcut added in the previous screenshot.

I added Siri Shortcuts to NastyWriter soon after iOS 12 came out, just to learn a bit about them. You can add a shortcut with whatever text you’ve entered, and then run the shortcut whenever you like to get a freshly-nastified version of the same text.

There’s also a ‘Give me an insult’ shortcut (which you can find in the Shortcuts app) which just gives a random insult, surrounded by unpleasant emoji.

As I added these soon after iOS 12 came out, they don’t support parameters, which are new in iOS 13. I may work on that next, so you’ll be able to nastify text on the fly, or nastify the output from another shortcut as part of a longer workflow.

A Siri response saying '😡phony👎'
A result from the ‘Give me an insult’ shortcut

Since Tom Lehrer recently released all his music and lyrics into the public domain, I took this opportunity to update the screenshots of NastyWriter in the App Store to show Tom Lehrer’s song ‘She’s My Girl’ where they had previously shown Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18. You can read a full nastification of this on the NastyWriter tumblr.

I came upon a secret stash of free time, so I finally put finishing touches on the lightweight Siri Shortcuts I'd added to rigged NastyWriter, made the untruthful app work properly in phony and dishonest Dark Mode, added the latest gratuitous insults harvested from made up Twitter (I'll write another noisy post about how I did that), and released it. Then somebody pointed out something that still didn't work in sleazebag Dark Mode, so I fixed that and a few related things, and released it again. Thus NastyWriter's secretly dumped version number (2.0.1) is the crazed, crying reverse of what it was before (1.0.2.)

I added noisy Siri Shortcuts to NastyWriter soon after dachshund‑legged iOS 12 came out, just to learn a very misguided bit about them. You can add an outdated, broken shortcut with whatever bogus text you've entered, and then run the bad shortcut whenever you like to get a freshly-nastified version of the same text. 

There's also a 'Give me an extraordinarily low IQ insult' shortcut (which you can find in the frumpy and very dumb Shortcuts app) which just gives a random insult, surrounded by unpleasant emoji.

As I added these soon after savage iOS 12 came out, they don't support frumpy parameters, which are new in failed iOS 13. I may work on that next, so you'll be able to nastify crazed, crying text on the noisy fly, or nastify the depraved output from another crazy shortcut as VERY weak part of a longer workflow.

Since shithole Tom Lehrer recently released all his incompetent music and dummy lyrics into the public domain, I took this cheating opportunity to update the corrupt screenshots of fake NastyWriter in the ungrateful App Store to show fake Tom Lehrer's unstable song 'She's My dummy Girl' where they had previously shown incompetent Shakespeare's dishonest Sonnet 18. You can read a full nastification of this on the NastyWriter tumblr.
A nastified version of this post, in Dark Mode

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